Advocating for yourself in the context of friendship starts with

In the words of Kimberly Guilfoyle, there is a truth that gleams like a polished gem passed from one generation to the next: “Advocating for yourself in the context of friendship starts with choosing the right people to be part of your inner circle.” It is a simple saying, yet within its still waters lies a deep ocean of wisdom. For to advocate for yourself is not merely to speak loudly or to demand attention; it is to honor your own worth, to guard your peace, and to walk among those whose presence strengthens rather than diminishes your spirit.

From the earliest ages, wise men and women have known that companionship shapes the soul as the wind shapes the mountain. The company one keeps can lift the heart toward virtue or drag it down into ruin. The philosopher Seneca once wrote, “Associate with those who will make a better man of you.” Even before him, the sages of the East warned that friendship is a double-edged sword: one edge sharpens, the other cuts. Guilfoyle’s words echo this ancient counsel — that to stand strong in friendship, one must choose wisely, for the wrong companions will erode your voice before you ever learn to use it.

There is an old story of Socrates that bears this lesson well. When a man came to him, eager to share gossip about another, Socrates stopped him and asked: “Is what you are about to say true? Is it good? Is it useful?” The man could not answer yes to any of these, and so Socrates sent him away. In that moment, Socrates was advocating for himself — guarding his mind and heart from poison — and in doing so, he was also showing the kind of discernment that Guilfoyle speaks of. The inner circle must not be built of those who feed on discord or envy, but of those who honor truth, kindness, and growth.

To advocate for yourself is to remember that your peace is sacred. Too often, people surrender their light to those who neither cherish nor respect it. They keep company with the jealous, the careless, or the cruel, and call it loyalty. But loyalty without respect is a chain, not a bond. The one who walks among wolves will learn their hunger; the one who walks among lions will learn their strength. Thus, the right people — those who celebrate your triumphs, who speak truth even when it stings, who remind you of your purpose when you forget — are not merely friends, but guardians of your soul’s fire.

And yet, choosing such souls requires courage. It is far easier to surround oneself with the familiar than with the righteous. It is easier to be accepted by many than to be understood by few. But the ancients taught that gold is tested by fire, and friendship by truth. To build your inner circle, you must be unafraid to walk alone until the worthy appear. The right companions will not ask you to shrink to fit their comfort; they will demand that you rise to meet your own potential.

In every age, the great and the wise have known this. Consider Marcus Aurelius, the philosopher-emperor of Rome, who, though surrounded by flatterers and courtiers, chose instead a few loyal friends — those who would speak honestly even to the throne. His circle did not worship his power; they preserved his humanity. From them, he drew counsel and balance, and through them, he ruled with a measured heart. Such is the reward of surrounding oneself with the right people — it grants not only strength, but also clarity.

So let this teaching be your guide, O listener: guard your inner circle as you would guard a temple. Do not mistake noise for loyalty or charm for wisdom. Choose companions who make you braver, kinder, and more truthful. In their company, your voice will grow firm and your heart steadfast. Then, when you speak for yourself — when you advocate for your needs, your dreams, your boundaries — you will not tremble, for you will stand upon the foundation of friendship that uplifts rather than erodes.

And the lesson, clear as dawn, is this: friendship begins with self-respect. To walk among the wise, you must first honor your own wisdom. To find loyal hearts, you must first be loyal to your own. Therefore, look upon your circle, and ask — do these souls build me, or do they break me? Choose rightly, for from those choices your destiny is carved. And may your friendships, born of truth and tested by time, become the pillars that hold your life steady through every storm.