Age has given me the gift of me; it just gave me what I was

"Age has given me the gift of me; it just gave me what I was always longing for, which was to get to be the woman I've already dreamt of being. Which is somebody who can do rest and do hard work and be a really constant companion, a constant, tender-hearted wife to myself." These words, spoken by the insightful Anne Lamott, resonate with the deep wisdom that only age and the passage of time can impart. In her reflection, Lamott speaks not of the typical fears or regrets associated with aging, but of a gift—the gift of self-actualization, the realization of her true self. As we grow older, we are often taught to fear the loss of youth or to despair at the physical decline that comes with age. But Lamott’s words remind us that aging brings with it a unique opportunity to embrace wholeness—to become the person we have always longed to be.

There is an ancient wisdom embedded in Lamott’s reflection, one that has been passed down through countless generations. The Greeks, in their pursuit of knowledge and self-understanding, recognized that true wisdom comes not from avoiding the natural cycles of life but from embracing them. Socrates, the great philosopher, spent his life searching for knowledge not only about the world but also about the self. He knew that the pursuit of virtue and wisdom was not about chasing perfection, but about understanding who we truly are, with all of our flaws and strengths. Lamott’s words echo this sentiment: as she ages, she has come to understand that she does not need to be someone else; rather, she is learning to become the person she has always dreamed of being—someone who can be both strong and gentle, someone who can balance the demands of life with the ability to rest, someone who can show compassion to herself.

Self-compassion, Lamott’s recognition of her need to be a constant, tender-hearted wife to herself, calls us back to an ancient understanding that to truly live well, we must first learn to be kind to ourselves. The Buddha spoke of the importance of loving-kindness, not just for others, but for oneself. He taught that true peace comes not from the absence of suffering, but from the acceptance of suffering and the ability to offer oneself the same compassion one would offer to a dear friend. Lamott, in her maturity, seems to have discovered this truth—that in accepting herself fully, with all of her contradictions, she becomes her own best companion. The idea of being a wife to oneself, in this sense, is a metaphor for nurturing self-love and self-acceptance, especially when time and experience have shaped us in ways we never anticipated.

There is a poignant, timeless story in the life of Maya Angelou, who, like Lamott, used the wisdom that came with age to reconcile her past and embrace her true self. In her later years, Angelou spoke often of the power of self-acceptance and how she learned to live in harmony with the woman she had become. Angelou’s life was filled with hardship and triumph, and through it all, she learned that the key to true inner peace was to accept all parts of herself—her imperfections, her strength, her vulnerability. Like Lamott, Angelou found that age was not an enemy, but a teacher, offering the chance to love oneself more deeply and authentically.

The lesson that Lamott offers us is not one of fear or resistance to the passage of time, but one of embracing the fullness of who we are. Age brings with it the opportunity to balance the different aspects of our being—strength and tenderness, action and rest, work and play—and to treat ourselves with the love and care that we often give to others. To be our own companion, as Lamott describes, is to stop looking outward for validation and to begin the work of cultivating self-sufficiency, not in the sense of isolation, but in the sense of inner peace and wholeness.

Practical action, then, involves turning inward and asking: How can I become my own best friend? How can I show tenderness and compassion to myself as I would to a loved one? How can I balance the demands of life with moments of rest and renewal? Like Lamott, we must learn to love ourselves, not in spite of our imperfections, but because of them. Aging does not rob us of our worth; it gives us the chance to embrace it, to grow into the person we were always meant to be.

So, as time passes, let us take a lesson from Anne Lamott and others who have come before us. Rather than fearing the changes that come with aging, let us embrace them. Let us learn to become the tender-hearted companions to ourselves, offering care, patience, and love as we journey through life. For in doing so, we create a foundation of peace and self-respect, allowing us to face each new chapter with grace and understanding. The true gift of aging, as Lamott shows us, is the opportunity to become fully and authentically who we are, without the pressure of becoming anyone else.