An ideal wife is any woman who has an ideal husband.

“An ideal wife is any woman who has an ideal husband.” Thus spoke Booth Tarkington, with wit that cloaks itself in simplicity yet unveils profound truth. In this brief saying lies a great lesson: that harmony in marriage is not born of perfection in one partner alone, but of mutual devotion. An ideal wife cannot exist in isolation, for she is shaped by the love, respect, and fidelity of her ideal husband. Likewise, no man may claim virtue if he fails to cultivate in his partner the joy and dignity that she deserves. Tarkington reminds us that in the sacred covenant of marriage, responsibility rests upon both shoulders equally.

The ancients taught much the same. In Rome, the philosopher Seneca declared that love within marriage is not a matter of possession but of partnership. He warned that when one demands virtue of the other while offering none himself, discord festers. Tarkington’s quote echoes this wisdom: the “ideal” is not a solitary achievement, but a shared creation. It is not the perfection of the wife alone that makes a marriage flourish, but the daily choice of the husband to be tender, just, and faithful—and by this mutual service, both are raised up.

History offers vivid examples. Consider the marriage of John and Abigail Adams, one of the most remarkable unions of early America. Abigail was praised as a model wife: intelligent, resourceful, and steadfast. Yet she became so not by chance, but because John treated her as his confidant, writing to her in exile as though her counsel were equal to his own. He shared power with her, trusted her judgment, and honored her intellect. Thus, because he strove to be an ideal husband, she shone as an ideal wife. Their letters stand as a testimony that equality and mutual respect are the soil where the finest marriages grow.

Yet Tarkington’s words also serve as a rebuke to hypocrisy. Too often through the ages, men demanded that women be gentle, loyal, and pure, while excusing themselves from the same virtues. A wife was expected to be an angel, while the husband was free to be reckless. Tarkington overturns this falsehood, reminding us that such expectations are vain. One cannot expect an ideal wife while refusing to be an ideal husband. The failings of one partner inevitably wound the other, just as the strength of one uplifts the other.

There is also within this quote a deeper reflection on justice. For what is marriage if not the smallest republic of mankind? In a republic, the ruler must be just if he expects loyalty from his people; in marriage, the husband must be fair and loving if he expects devotion from his wife. When both live in honor, the union thrives; when one seeks dominance and neglects his duty, the covenant crumbles. Thus Tarkington speaks as though to remind all men: you cannot demand from your wives what you do not first give yourselves.

What lesson, then, shall we draw? That love must be mutual labor. If you desire an ideal partner, first become one yourself. If you seek gentleness, be gentle. If you crave loyalty, be steadfast. If you long for respect, offer it freely. Marriage is not a mirror where one looks only at the other’s flaws, but a forge where both are shaped together. In this way, the “ideal” is not a gift bestowed by fortune, but a crown earned by daily choices of kindness, sacrifice, and truth.

Practical wisdom follows: husbands, honor your wives with actions, not merely words. Share burdens, listen deeply, and cultivate trust. Wives, honor your husbands with patience and strength, encouraging their virtues. And to all who seek marriage, enter not with the illusion that one partner must be perfect, but with the resolve that both must labor to become better, day by day. For in mutual striving lies the beauty of the covenant.

Thus Booth Tarkington’s words, though light in tone, carry a wisdom as ancient as marriage itself. An ideal wife is any woman who has an ideal husband. In these few words, he restores balance to a partnership too often burdened unequally. Let this truth be carried forward: if you would have a marriage of virtue, do not demand ideals of the other—become the ideal yourself, and together you shall build a bond worthy of eternity.