And the greatest lesson that mom ever taught me though was this

The words of Chris Christie, spoken in honor of his mother, carry a wisdom that is both simple and eternal: “There would be times in your life when you have to choose between being loved and being respected. Now she said to always pick being respected.” In this teaching lies the recognition of one of life’s hardest truths—that affection is fleeting, swayed by moods and desires, but respect endures, anchored in character and integrity. Love may be sweet, but without respect it turns hollow; respect may be stern, but with it comes the strength that commands lasting honor.

To choose respect over love is not to despise love, but to understand its frailty. A person may love you for what you give, for how you please, or for how you make them feel. But when storms rise, such love often vanishes like mist before the sun. Respect, however, is earned by the weight of truth, by courage, by unshakable integrity. It does not always make one beloved, for truth is often hard and justice sometimes bitter, but respect carves its place in the hearts of even those who once opposed you.

The ancients knew this lesson well. Consider the writings of Aristotle, who declared that the truly virtuous man seeks not popularity, but excellence of soul. He knew that to chase affection alone is to become a servant of others’ whims, but to earn respect is to become master of one’s own destiny. Likewise, in the East, Confucius taught that the noble man must act with righteousness, even if he stands alone, for it is better to be respected for virtue than loved for flattery.

History shines with examples of this truth. Think of Abraham Lincoln, who during his presidency was despised by many, ridiculed, insulted, even hated. Yet he stood firm in his convictions—preserving the Union, ending slavery, choosing respect over the fleeting comfort of being loved. By the end, even his fiercest enemies could not deny him respect, and time itself crowned him with a greatness beyond the reach of popularity. Lincoln’s story reminds us that those who seek only to be loved may win applause in the moment, but those who seek respect carve a legacy that endures.

Contrast this with those who pursued affection over honor. Leaders who bent to every demand, who sought to please rather than to guide, found themselves forgotten when times changed. The love they sought was shallow, and it vanished when convenience ended. But those who clung to principle, even at the cost of affection, remained in history’s memory as figures of iron and spirit. Christie's mother knew this ancient truth: love is fragile, respect is lasting.

The heart of this teaching is this: when the choice comes, as it surely will, never surrender your integrity for the sake of temporary affection. To be respected is to walk in strength, to be trusted even when not adored. Respect is the foundation upon which true love may one day be built, for love that does not flow from respect is not love at all, but illusion. When you live in such a way that others must respect you—even if they cannot always love you—you have secured something that time and betrayal cannot erase.

The lesson for us is clear: in every decision, choose honor over flattery, principle over approval, and respect over popularity. Speak the truth even when it costs you friends. Stand firm in your values even when it earns you scorn. Love may return, but lost respect rarely does. And if you must lose one, lose love—for respect, once gained, will sustain both your soul and your legacy.

Practical actions follow. Live each day with integrity. Keep your word, even when it is difficult. Do not compromise your principles to win temporary affection. Be willing to disappoint others if it means preserving your dignity. And when you lead, lead not as one who seeks to be loved, but as one who seeks to be respected—for in the end, respect will outlast love, and respect will honor your name when love has forgotten it.

Thus Christie’s words, echoing his mother’s wisdom, endure as a command for generations: “Always pick being respected.” For in respect lies the foundation of trust, of honor, of legacy. To be loved is sweet, but to be respected is eternal. And when life’s trials test your soul, this choice will be the mark that defines your worth.