At a certain age you're always uncertain how other people will

"At a certain age you're always uncertain how other people will take you." These words, spoken by Al Purdy, resonate deeply with the human experience, revealing a profound truth about the passage of time and our constant search for validation. As we move through life, particularly as we age, the certainty we once had about how we are perceived by others begins to fade. In youth, we are often bold, unafraid of how the world sees us, confident that our identity will be accepted by those around us. But as time goes on, we grow more aware of how fragile our connection with others can be. Purdy captures the essence of self-doubt that emerges with age—a recognition that, despite our efforts, we may no longer be understood or accepted in the way we once were.

In the ancient world, this internal struggle was deeply explored by the philosophers of the time. The Greek philosopher Socrates famously questioned the nature of identity and self-awareness. In his dialogues, particularly in the Apology, Socrates spoke about his pursuit of wisdom, a quest that ultimately led to his trial and condemnation. Though he was unwavering in his convictions, Socrates was keenly aware of the uncertainty others had about him. His willingness to embrace this uncertainty and remain true to his own beliefs—despite how others perceived him—offers a powerful example of how we must navigate the shifting sands of public opinion throughout our lives. In this way, Socrates offers wisdom similar to Purdy’s: that uncertainty is a natural part of life, particularly as we age, and the key lies not in seeking constant approval, but in remaining steadfast in our own integrity.

Consider the story of King Lear, a figure from Shakespeare's tragedy, who, in his later years, is wracked with the fear of being misunderstood and abandoned by those he once ruled. Lear gives up his kingdom, seeking instead the affection of his daughters, only to realize that he is no longer seen as the powerful, authoritative figure he once was. His uncertainty about how others see him—his loss of control over his identity—is one of the central themes of the play. As Lear grapples with his fading authority, he learns that the external world is often fickle and that self-worth can no longer be based solely on the opinions of others. Like Purdy, Lear highlights the struggles that come with aging—when we find that the identity we once held so firmly can be easily questioned by the passage of time.

Yet, the ancients also understood that uncertainty and change are not things to be feared, but embraced as part of the human journey. Heraclitus, the pre-Socratic philosopher, famously said, "You cannot step into the same river twice." This reflects the ever-changing nature of the world, the impermanence of everything around us. Just as the river is always flowing, so too are we constantly changing, evolving, and being redefined by the world and our experiences. In this sense, Purdy's reflection is a natural outcome of this truth: as we age, the way we are seen by the world will inevitably shift, but this shift is merely a reflection of the flow of time. Embracing this uncertainty, rather than resisting it, allows us to engage with life more fully and authentically.

The lesson in Purdy’s words is one of acceptance and self-reflection. As we grow older, we cannot expect to remain fixed in the image others once held of us, nor can we rely on external validation to define our worth. Instead, we must learn to find peace with the uncertainty that accompanies aging, understanding that it is a natural part of the human experience. Self-acceptance, as Socrates would argue, becomes the foundation for navigating this uncertain world. When we stop seeking constant approval and embrace the truth of who we are, we free ourselves from the anxiety of how others perceive us, and can live more fully in the present.

In practical terms, this means that we must focus on developing inner strength and self-knowledge, rather than being preoccupied with how others see us. Like Socrates, we should engage in self-examination, not for the approval of others, but for the growth and clarity it brings. We must also recognize that perceptions of us will change over time and that this does not diminish our worth or our ability to contribute to the world. Instead of worrying about whether others understand us, we must be more concerned with remaining true to ourselves and living according to our values, knowing that this will bring the peace that comes from authentic living.

Ultimately, Purdy’s words remind us that the uncertainty of how others perceive us is an inevitable part of life, especially as we age. Rather than fearing this uncertainty, we should embrace it as a natural result of the constant flux of the world. As Heraclitus taught, change is the only constant. Socrates showed us that the key to a fulfilled life is not in others' judgments, but in our own self-examination and integrity. So, let us live with courage and self-awareness, knowing that the uncertainty of how others perceive us is not a threat, but a reminder of our ever-evolving journey through life.