Be gentle to all and stern with yourself.

Hear, O seeker of wisdom, the words of Saint Teresa of Avila, the mystic and reformer, who declared: “Be gentle to all and stern with yourself.” In this saying lies a paradox both tender and fierce: that true strength is shown not in harshness toward others, but in mercy, and true discipline is directed not outward, but inward. For many men rule others with iron while sparing themselves, but the saint bids us to do the opposite—extend kindness to the world, and keep the sharp edge of correction for our own soul.

To be gentle to all is to walk the earth with compassion. Every man you meet bears hidden wounds; every woman carries burdens unseen. The gentle heart does not add weight to the weary, nor sharpen the suffering of the broken. Instead, it speaks softly, forgives swiftly, and extends a hand rather than a fist. Gentleness is not weakness—it is strength wrapped in mercy, the strength that disarms hatred and soothes fear. As the river carves stone by patience, so does gentleness conquer what force cannot.

Yet Saint Teresa warns that while we are gentle outwardly, we must be stern with ourselves. This is the discipline of the soul: to examine our own faults more harshly than we judge those of others, to master our desires, to guard our thoughts, to deny ourselves the easy path of indulgence. For it is the hypocrisy of man to condemn others while excusing his own failings. But the one who is stern within and gentle without walks in the light of true humility and strength.

Behold the example of Abraham Lincoln. Known for his tenderness toward enemies and his mercy even toward those who sought his life, he was gentle to all. Yet within himself he bore a constant sternness, holding his own heart accountable, wrestling with sorrow, and laboring with tireless resolve to do what conscience demanded. He forgave others easily but demanded much of himself, and thus became both servant and leader, humble and mighty. His life embodies Saint Teresa’s teaching.

The wisdom of this saying strikes against the ways of the world, for the world often teaches the reverse: to be harsh toward others and indulgent with oneself. Men excuse their own laziness but condemn the failings of neighbors. Nations demand sacrifice from the poor but spare the powerful. This way leads only to division, hypocrisy, and ruin. But when each soul is strict with itself and tender toward others, peace and justice blossom like flowers in the desert.

Therefore, O listener, take this teaching into your own life. Speak gently to the weary, forgive the mistakes of others, and treat every soul as a vessel of divine mystery. Yet when you turn inward, be your own stern master. Correct your faults with courage, demand truth from your own heart, and deny yourself the excuses you would not tolerate in another. This is the path to growth, to holiness, and to integrity.

Let this be your charge: Be gentle to all and stern with yourself. Practice mercy outward, and discipline inward. In doing so, you shall find harmony of soul, respect of others, and the strength to walk steadfastly in the way of truth. For gentleness heals the world, and sternness refines the self—and together, they form the crown of a noble life.