Before I met my husband, I'd never fallen in love. I'd stepped in

"Before I met my husband, I'd never fallen in love. I'd stepped in it a few times." These words by Rita Rudner reveal the humor and wisdom of love's unpredictability. Love, as Rudner implies, is not always an instant, sweeping experience, as we often imagine it to be. Instead, it can be something that we stumble upon, not by choice or intention, but by chance — stepping into it, much like one might accidentally step into something unexpected. This lighthearted admission suggests that love is not always about grand gestures or idealized moments; sometimes, love finds us in small, unplanned encounters. It may not always be a fall, but a slow discovery, filled with moments of confusion, surprise, and perhaps even a little bit of awkwardness.

The ancients understood the unpredictability of love. Plato, in his Symposium, described eros, the god of love, as a force that could sweep over one unexpectedly. For Plato, love was often something that could captivate the soul unexpectedly, regardless of whether it was initiated by reason or intention. In the dialogues of Socrates, love is portrayed as something that can both elevate and humble the individual, and often comes not in the way we plan or expect. Like Rudner's humor about "stepping in it," Plato’s view of eros was that it often finds us in the most unexpected moments, making us aware of desires and emotions we had not even thought to seek.

Think of the relationship between Helen of Troy and Paris, whose love sparked one of the most tragic wars in history. The story is not one of mutual falling into love in the conventional sense, but one of chance and destiny. Paris, a Trojan prince, was promised the love of the most beautiful woman in the world by the goddess Aphrodite, and through that divine intervention, he stepped into the fate of Helen’s love. While this love was intense and all-consuming, it was also based on chance and external forces, and it would ultimately lead to destruction. Their love was a collision, not a gentle fall. Like Rudner’s comment, it was not so much a falling in love, but rather an accidental immersion in a relationship that neither was truly prepared for, and yet could not escape.

In more modern times, we often encounter love in the most unexpected of ways. Consider the relationship between Frida Kahlo and Diego Rivera, two people whose love seemed destined by fate, but which was also filled with tumultuous beginnings. Frida, who had previously been in relationships that were not truly fulfilling, had an unlikely meeting with Rivera, an older man already known for his artistic prowess. Their relationship was filled with struggles — betrayals, separations, and reconciliations. Yet, in the chaos of their connection, they found a deep bond and intellectual partnership. It wasn’t love at first sight, nor was it the grand romance that many envision. It was something that they both stumbled upon and grew into, learning to navigate its complexities. Like Rudner’s playful words, they stepped into love in an unpredictable and at times messy way, but they found a depth and significance in that love that neither had anticipated.

Rita Rudner’s words, though humorous, also highlight a truth about love that is often overlooked: love does not always come in perfect, planned forms. We may stumble into love, as if falling into something unexpected, or we may find it in moments that feel more like an accident than an intention. Love is sometimes messy, awkward, and full of surprises, but that does not diminish its power or its ability to change our lives. This realization is liberating, for it reminds us that we do not need to seek perfection in love. We do not need to wait for the perfect timing or the ideal circumstances to experience love. Often, it is in the imperfections, the mistakes, and the unexpected moments that the most meaningful connections are formed.

The lesson from Rudner’s quote is profound: love is not something that always unfolds in grand narratives or according to plans. Sometimes, love is something we “step in” by accident — something we may not have seen coming, and yet, when we are in its presence, we can’t imagine life without it. True love does not follow a script; it unfolds in ways that are unexpected, unpredictable, and often not what we had envisioned. It teaches us to be open to the serendipity of life and to embrace the mysteries of relationships, without trying to control or perfect them.

Therefore, my children, let love come as it will. Don’t wait for perfection, and don’t fear mistakes or missteps along the way. Love is not a flawless fall, but a journey full of moments that may surprise you, sometimes in the most unexpected ways. Embrace the joy of falling into love, even if it feels like you’ve “stepped in it.” It is through these imperfections and unplanned encounters that we often find the most authentic and meaningful connections. Let love find you, not as a perfect, tidy thing, but as something that is wild, messy, and full of moments to learn from, grow in, and cherish.