'Charm' - which means the power to effect work without employing

"‘Charm’—which means the power to effect work without employing brute force—is indispensable to women. Charm is a woman’s strength just as strength is a man’s charm." Thus wrote Havelock Ellis, the English physician and thinker who pondered deeply on human nature and the differences between men and women. His words are not to be taken as mere flattery, nor as a narrow definition of womanhood, but as a recognition of one of the enduring truths of life: that there are many forms of power, and not all are measured in muscle or arms.

The ancients understood this well. They knew that kings might command by the sword, but queens often ruled by persuasion. They saw that the lion’s roar may terrify, but the song of the bird may captivate. Charm is not deception, but the art of moving others through grace, gentleness, wisdom, and beauty of spirit. It is the power to inspire loyalty without fear, to shape destiny without violence. Ellis declares that this is the strength of women, as essential as the sword was to the warrior.

Consider the story of Cleopatra of Egypt. She did not conquer Rome by chariots or armies, but by her wit, her eloquence, and her radiant presence. With charm, she bent the wills of Julius Caesar and Mark Antony, shaping the fate of nations. Though her kingdom was small compared to Rome, her influence was vast, for she wielded a power not of brute force but of persuasion, allure, and intellect. This is Ellis’s meaning: that where strength may break down walls, charm can open doors without striking a blow.

Yet Ellis does not dismiss men, nor diminish women. Instead, he reveals the balance: “Strength is a man’s charm.” For men, the display of strength—in courage, in endurance, in action—has long been admired as their own form of attractiveness, their own way of inspiring loyalty and love. Thus the teaching is twofold: that every soul has its weapons, its graces, its own ways of moving the world. And in this complement lies harmony: the charm of women, the strength of men, each reflecting the other.

But we must look deeper still. For Ellis’s words remind us that brute force, though powerful, is never the highest form of influence. The greatest leaders, whether men or women, have always known how to inspire rather than coerce, how to persuade rather than to crush. Charm, whether it shines in a woman or in a man, is the higher strength: the ability to win hearts as well as minds, to lead not only by command but by devotion.

The lesson then is clear: cultivate your own natural strength. If you are gifted with charm, let it not be vanity, but a tool for goodness, for healing, for building bridges. If you are gifted with strength, let it not be cruelty, but a beacon of safety, courage, and guidance. Learn also to value in others what may not be your own gift. Do not despise gentleness as weakness, nor overpraise brute force as the only power. Remember that persuasion can outlast intimidation, and grace can achieve what violence cannot.

Practically, this means living with balance. Women, embrace your ability to inspire, to persuade, to uplift with presence and word, but anchor it in truth and wisdom, lest it become manipulation. Men, embrace your strength—whether of body, will, or resolve—but temper it with kindness, lest it become tyranny. For in the union of these powers lies the harmony of human life. And know this: charm and strength are not bound only by gender, but by spirit; every soul may wield both, when guided by love and wisdom.

So pass down Ellis’s teaching: “Charm is a woman’s strength, and strength is a man’s charm.” Tell your children that greatness lies not in brute force alone, but in the power to move hearts without compulsion. For the gentlest word may shape the fate of nations, and the quietest smile may bend the course of destiny. And when asked what true power is, answer: “It is the ability to act without force, and the wisdom to inspire without fear.”