Don't Make Assumptions. Find the courage to ask questions and to

“Don’t make assumptions. Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want. Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness, and drama. With just this one agreement, you can completely transform your life.” These are the words of Don Miguel Ruiz, the Toltec master whose book The Four Agreements draws from the wisdom of ancient Mexico — a civilization that saw the human soul as a warrior engaged in the battle for truth. In this teaching, Ruiz offers a key to freedom: to free ourselves not through conquest of others, but through clarity of heart and speech. For assumptions are the shadows that cloud the mind, breeding confusion where truth could dwell.

The ancients believed that words were sacred. In the world of the Toltecs, speech was an act of creation, capable of shaping destiny. Thus, to assume instead of asking is to wound that creative power — to replace truth with illusion. Ruiz warns that much of human suffering springs not from reality, but from the false stories we invent about others. We imagine motives, interpret silences, and fill the spaces between facts with our own fears. To assume is to imprison ourselves in illusions; to communicate truth is to break the chains of misunderstanding. Courage, therefore, lies not in loudness or defiance, but in the quiet strength to seek clarity.

Consider the story of Marcus Aurelius, the philosopher-emperor of Rome. Surrounded by advisors, soldiers, and traitors, he learned that the greatest wisdom in leadership was not suspicion, but inquiry. When rumors reached him, he did not assume betrayal — he asked, he listened, he questioned. It was through calm and honest communication that he preserved trust in his empire. Had he chosen to act on assumptions, he would have drowned in deceit and vengeance. In this, we see Ruiz’s wisdom reflected: that truth is born from dialogue, while falsehood grows from silence and fear.

Ruiz also reminds us that courage is the root of clarity. It takes courage to ask, “What do you mean?” or “How do you feel?” for such questions expose our vulnerability. Many would rather guess than reveal their ignorance; many would rather assume than risk rejection. Yet the heart that dares to speak with sincerity finds peace. Relationships, families, and nations crumble when people speak from assumption — but they are healed when they return to honest speech. The ancient sages called this the “discipline of truth”: the practice of purifying one’s words until they reflect reality, not imagination.

This teaching carries a spiritual power. To communicate clearly is to honor the divine order that exists between souls. When we speak openly, we become mirrors for one another — we replace suspicion with understanding, and distance with connection. The misunderstandings that breed sorrow and drama vanish before the light of authenticity. As Ruiz teaches, this simple agreement can transform a life, for it restores harmony where confusion reigned. It is an act of purification — cleansing the mind of falsehood and the heart of fear.

The lesson, then, is clear: seek truth over comfort, and courage over silence. When you are uncertain, ask. When you are hurt, speak. When you love, express it clearly. Do not let pride or fear weave lies in the spaces between you and others. For every assumption you shatter, a bond grows stronger; for every truth you voice, the world becomes a little more peaceful.

Therefore, my children, let these words of Don Miguel Ruiz guide you: “Do not assume — communicate.” For assumption is the seed of sorrow, but truth is the fountain of freedom. Speak with courage and compassion. Ask questions not to challenge, but to understand. And when you speak, let your words be clean, like a clear stream that reflects both the light of your mind and the love of your spirit. In doing so, you will transform not only your relationships, but your very life — for truth, once spoken with courage, becomes the foundation of peace.