First love is first love, first marriage is first marriage

The words of Maximilian Schell — “First love is first love, first marriage is first marriage, disappointment is disappointment.” — fall upon the heart like the tolling of an ancient bell, clear and resonant. In their simplicity lies profound truth: that certain experiences in life, though fleeting, shape the soul forever. First love, first marriage, and disappointment — these are not mere moments, but passages of transformation, sacred thresholds through which every human being must walk. Each carries its own kind of beauty, its own pain, its own indelible mark upon the spirit.

Maximilian Schell, the Austrian-born actor and philosopher of feeling, spoke these words as a man who had lived through both triumph and loss — through the rise of art, the fall of empires, and the tender ache of the human heart. His words are not nostalgic, but reflective. He reminds us that life is built upon experiences that cannot be duplicated, no matter how many times we try. First love — that moment when the world opens like dawn and the heart learns to trust another soul — can never truly return, for it is not the person we remember, but the innocence of the feeling itself. To love again is possible, yes, but never again with the same wonder, for experience has already etched wisdom upon the heart.

First marriage, too, is not simply the joining of two people, but the forging of identity within the fires of hope. It is where ideals meet reality, and dreams learn the boundaries of human imperfection. In this, Schell speaks not with cynicism, but with reverence for the lessons born of intimacy and struggle. The first marriage, whether it endures or not, becomes a mirror in which one sees both the strength and the frailty of love. It teaches humility — the understanding that devotion requires more than desire; it demands forgiveness, patience, and courage. Thus, even if a marriage ends, its memory endures as a teacher — stern, but honest.

And then, disappointment — that shadowed companion of the soul. Schell’s words bind disappointment to love and marriage because it is the thread that runs through all human endeavor. To be disappointed is not to fail; it is to have hoped greatly. Only those who dare to feel deeply can also fall deeply. Disappointment is the proof that the heart has lived. In the wisdom of the ancients, the lotus blooms from the mud — and so too does wisdom bloom from the mire of broken dreams. For every loss, if held with patience, ripens into understanding; every sorrow, if endured, becomes the seed of compassion.

Consider the story of Leonardo da Vinci, who labored for years upon his masterpiece, The Last Supper. When the fresco began to decay within his lifetime, he was heartbroken. His art, his first great vision of divine humanity, seemed lost. Yet from that disappointment came his later genius — the deepening of his craft, the refinement of his soul. So it is with love and marriage: the first may fade, but the wisdom it leaves behind becomes the soil for greater understanding. Disappointment, when accepted, becomes not a wound but a source of inner power.

Maximilian Schell’s words remind us that these milestones — love, union, loss — are not mistakes to be avoided, but experiences to be honored. Each one is unique, irreplaceable, and vital. To deny them is to deny our humanity. To embrace them, even in their imperfection, is to walk the path of the wise. Life does not promise repetition; it offers revelation. One must not mourn the ending of innocence, but rejoice in the growth it brings. As the poet Rilke once said, “The purpose of life is to be defeated by greater and greater things.”

The lesson, then, is this: treasure every first — not for its perfection, but for its truth. Love, even when it fades, teaches the soul how to open. Marriage, even when it falters, reveals the depths of commitment and grace. Disappointment, even when it hurts, clears the heart for new beginnings. Do not seek to erase what was lost; seek to understand what it gave you. For the heart that remembers with gratitude, and not regret, is the heart that remains forever young.

So, my children, walk bravely through the seasons of your life. Do not despair that first love is gone, or that first dreams have fallen away. Each one has carved its wisdom into you. Honor them, as you would honor sacred teachers. For as Maximilian Schell reminds us, first love is first love, first marriage is first marriage, disappointment is disappointment — each a stepping stone across the river of life, each necessary, each beautiful in its own way, and each leading you closer to the calm, enduring shore of understanding.