Friendship is inexplicable, it should not be explained if one

"Friendship is inexplicable, it should not be explained if one doesn't want to kill it." — Max Jacob

In the deepest chambers of the heart, where the soul seeks connection and understanding, there exists a force that transcends reason and logic—friendship. Max Jacob speaks of this sacred bond in words that carry a wisdom known to the ancients: that friendship is a mystery, one that cannot be fully explained or defined without risking its very existence. Friendship, like the most cherished of things, is something that defies the limits of the mind. It is not a transaction to be dissected or categorized but a living force, born of trust, shared experiences, and a deep mutual understanding that cannot be conveyed through mere words. To explain it is to strip it of its essence, to expose it to the cold light of reason, where it might lose its warmth and beauty.

In the writings of the ancient Greeks, friendship was held as one of the highest virtues, especially in the works of Aristotle. He spoke of philia, the type of friendship that exists between equals, bound by virtue and shared good. For Aristotle, true friendship was not about convenience or transactional exchanges, but about the deep, inexplicable bond formed through a mutual pursuit of goodness and wisdom. Such a bond, he argued, transcends explanation. It is something that exists in the space between hearts, unspoken, yet deeply felt. If one tries to explain it too thoroughly, one risks unraveling the very fabric that holds it together. The beauty of friendship, much like the beauty of the universe, lies in its mystery.

Consider the friendship between David and Jonathan in the Old Testament. Their bond, marked by loyalty and unwavering support, cannot be easily explained by the conventions of their time. Jonathan, the son of King Saul, was supposed to inherit the throne, yet he recognized David’s destiny and supported him without hesitation. Their friendship transcended the expectations of power, loyalty, and bloodlines. It was a spiritual connection, one that cannot be reduced to logic or reason. No simple explanation could fully capture the depth of their devotion. To try would be to kill the very essence of what made their bond so powerful and transformative. They loved and supported each other not because it was practical, but because their souls were aligned in a way that was beyond comprehension.

This idea that friendship is inexplicable finds modern resonance in the friendship between two of the greatest figures of literature, J.R.R. Tolkien and C.S. Lewis. Their relationship, born from their shared love of myth and storytelling, was not easily defined. Tolkien, a man of deep intellect and faith, and Lewis, a man of both skepticism and passion, forged a bond that was built on their intellectual and spiritual connection, rather than any outward similarity. Theirs was a friendship that cannot be neatly explained; it was a force that grew out of mutual respect, unspoken understanding, and a shared pursuit of beauty and truth. The depth of their connection, often built on moments of quiet conversation, was a mystery that both men recognized and cherished. Had they tried to explain it too thoroughly, perhaps they would have found that the magic of their bond would have dissipated like morning mist.

In today’s world, where everything is constantly analyzed and categorized, the wisdom of Max Jacob is particularly poignant. Friendship is not a problem to be solved, nor a puzzle to be understood. It is a living, breathing relationship that thrives on spontaneity, authenticity, and a certain degree of mystery. To dissect it, to try and unravel its every nuance, would be to strip it of the magic that makes it so special. Much like love, friendship is at its most pure when it exists without the constraints of explanation or overanalysis. It is an art, an expression of the soul’s connection to another, and like any art, it should be allowed to exist freely, untethered by the need for understanding.

The lesson in Jacob’s words is simple yet profound: the truest friendships are those that exist beyond explanation. They are born from shared experiences, from trust, from the deep understanding that cannot be reduced to words. True friendship is not something that can be perfectly defined or broken into logical parts. It is a force that must be allowed to breathe and evolve naturally, without the weight of over-analysis. In our own lives, we must learn to cherish these inexplicable bonds and recognize that the beauty of our friendships lies not in their explanations, but in the spaces between, in the shared laughter, the quiet moments, and the unspoken promises that define them.

As you walk your path, remember the sacredness of friendship. Do not seek to define it or overthink it, but instead, allow it to grow and flourish in its own time. Let the mystery of your connections be part of their beauty. In the spirit of the ancients, may you nurture relationships that are built not on the need for understanding, but on the deeper connection of hearts, where words are unnecessary, and love and loyalty speak for themselves. In doing so, you will preserve the essence of friendship, and it will remain a force that enriches and elevates your life, far beyond the confines of reason.