Friendship with ones self is all important, because without it

“Friendship with one’s self is all important, because without it one cannot be friends with anyone else in the world.” Thus spoke Eleanor Roosevelt, a woman of deep thought and unshakable grace, whose wisdom was forged not in comfort, but in trial. Her words are not merely a reflection on friendship, but a revelation of the heart’s most secret truth: that all love, all peace, and all harmony begin within the soul itself. As a well must be filled before it can quench another’s thirst, so too must the spirit know peace with itself before it can share goodness with others.

In the wisdom of the ancients, to know oneself was the highest calling. The Delphic Oracle, speaking to seekers of old, declared: “Know thyself.” Yet to know is not enough — one must also befriend that which one discovers. Many live their lives as strangers to their own souls, fleeing from silence, despising their reflection, or burying their hearts beneath the noise of the world. Such souls seek friendship, but their hands grasp air, for how can one offer to another the love one has denied oneself? Thus, Eleanor’s words echo an eternal principle: that self-friendship is the root from which all noble relationships grow.

To be a friend to oneself is not vanity, nor is it selfishness. It is the quiet courage to sit with one’s flaws, to forgive one’s failures, and to honor one’s worth despite the world’s scorn. It is to speak inwardly with gentleness rather than judgment, and to build within one’s heart a home where the soul may rest unafraid. The one who has made peace with himself does not hunger for approval, nor fear rejection, for he carries within him the steadfast companion of his own acceptance. Like a tree rooted deeply in the earth, he stands calm through the winds of life, for his strength grows from within.

Consider the story of Marcus Aurelius, emperor and philosopher of ancient Rome. Amidst war, betrayal, and ceaseless duty, he turned not to flatterers nor to the crowd, but to his own thoughts — his private journal, later known as The Meditations. In its pages, he spoke to himself as to a trusted friend: admonishing, consoling, and guiding his spirit toward virtue. This was friendship with the self — a dialogue of truth and mercy, a discipline of the inner life. And because he mastered his own heart, he ruled others with compassion and wisdom. Marcus Aurelius teaches us that self-friendship is not withdrawal, but strength — the foundation upon which one may serve the world with clarity and love.

When Eleanor Roosevelt uttered her words, she too spoke from a life of solitude and struggle. She had faced public ridicule, personal sorrow, and the burden of leadership in a world at war. Yet through these tempests, she learned that inner harmony is not a gift given by fate, but a craft one must shape each day. In her friendship with herself, she found the courage to stand for justice, to defend the oppressed, and to love a world that was often unloving. Her self-acceptance became the fountain of her compassion; her private peace became her public power.

Hear this truth, then, as from the lips of your ancestors: You cannot pour from an empty vessel, nor can you light another’s way with an unkind flame. To befriend yourself is to tend the sacred fire within, to keep it steady through the long nights of doubt and despair. When you are your own companion, you are never truly alone. When you are at peace with your own heart, you will find yourself gentler, truer, and braver in every friendship beyond it.

So, my child, learn to dwell kindly with your own soul. Speak to yourself as you would to one you love. Forgive your mistakes, nurture your dreams, and make a home within yourself that no storm can shake. Let your solitude be not a prison, but a sanctuary. For when you are a friend to yourself, the world ceases to be a battlefield and becomes a garden — and in that garden, true friendship may finally take root.

Thus, remember: before you seek the loyalty of others, seek peace within. Before you ask for love, learn to give it to your own heart. For the one who walks in friendship with himself walks in harmony with all creation — and to such a soul, every man, woman, and creature becomes, in time, a friend.