How absurd and delicious it is to be in love with somebody

"How absurd and delicious it is to be in love with somebody younger than yourself. Everybody should try it." These playful yet profound words from Barbara Pym speak to the unexpected, irrational delight of loving someone whose youth and vitality seem to both challenge and invigorate the one who loves them. The notion of love transcending age and experience, of embracing the joy that arises from such a connection, holds a timeless appeal. Pym’s reflection on this absurdity — this paradox of finding pleasure and fulfillment in loving someone younger — reveals the liberating power of love in all its forms, and the unspoken wisdom that love often breaks the boundaries we attempt to set for it.

In the ancient world, love was seen not just as a physical connection, but as a philosophical and spiritual journey. The Greeks celebrated the concept of eros, a passionate love that often defied societal expectations, including those of age and hierarchy. The philosopher Socrates, despite being older, had deep relationships with his younger students, such as Plato and Alcibiades, whose admiration for Socrates went beyond intellectual respect. Socrates himself never adhered to conventional limits in matters of love and friendship, seeking to explore the nature of the soul and connection without being constrained by age, status, or reputation. His love for those younger than him was a relationship of mutual learning, growth, and transcendence, offering a model for understanding that the beauty of love does not reside in the age of the beloved, but in the depth and authenticity of the bond shared.

Pym’s words echo the philosophy of the Romans, whose relationships and marriages often involved significant age differences. The relationship between the famed general Julius Caesar and the much younger Cleopatra, Queen of Egypt, exemplified a love and alliance that defied norms, founded on mutual admiration, respect, and power. Cleopatra, a younger woman, captivated Caesar, not just with her physical allure, but with her intellect and political prowess. The union between them was not based on simple attraction, but on a deeper connection that transcended their ages. Caesar’s love for Cleopatra, though perhaps scandalous to some, reflected the delightful absurdity of finding harmony and power in a connection that was unconventional. This timeless story of love reveals that, like Barbara Pym’s sentiment, there is delight in the unexpected, in embracing connections that surprise us and challenge the boundaries we often place on relationships.

In our own time, the idea of being in love with someone younger may still be met with raised eyebrows or judgment from society. Yet, the vitality, freshness, and energy that younger people often bring into relationships can be incredibly invigorating. They remind us of the passion, idealism, and hope we once carried, and can help us rediscover the joys of living without the constraints that age or experience sometimes impose. The famous relationship between the writer Gabriele d'Annunzio and the young Luisa Borsari shows this dynamic. Their affair was marked by an intensity of love, with the young Borsari giving d’Annunzio a sense of renewed inspiration and purpose, while he offered her wisdom and experience. Their love, though brief, was a beautiful union of youthful energy and mature reflection, proving that love’s power can emerge when opposites, including age, come together.

The lesson here, as Pym so wonderfully suggests, is that love does not conform to age or reason. It is an unpredictable, delicious, and absurd force that often arises when we least expect it, and it flourishes in the most unexpected forms. To love someone younger is to embrace life’s mystery and renewal, to discover joy in shared moments that are less about age and more about the energy two people share in their time together. It reminds us that love is not a static, fixed thing — it is fluid, it is alive, and it is always capable of transcending the limits we place on it.

Therefore, my children, let this teaching guide you: do not bind your love to expectations of age or experience. Allow love to flourish wherever it finds its place, and embrace the unexpected delights that come with loving across generational lines. The love between an older and a younger person can be a journey of mutual discovery, where both can teach and learn from each other, where each brings a different perspective that enriches the bond. Love deeply and joyfully, without the constraints of reason or convention, and you will find that love's delight will always surprise you, renewing your spirit in ways that only love can. Let your heart remain open to the delicious absurdity of life, for it is in these moments that true, sacred connection is made.