Humor is the ability to see three sides to one coin.

When Ned Rorem said, “Humor is the ability to see three sides to one coin,” he revealed a wisdom that lies beyond wit — the rare art of seeing truth in its entirety. To most, a coin has only two sides: heads and tails, yes and no, good and evil. But the one who truly understands life knows there is always a third side — the thin edge where both truths meet. It is there, on that slender boundary between opposites, that humor lives. It is the laughter of insight, the calm that arises when one perceives the world not in black and white, but in all its shimmering contradictions.

The ancients would have called this the laughter of the wise — the laughter that comes not from mockery, but from vision. To see “three sides” is to see beyond duality, beyond the conflicts that divide men and nations. It is to recognize that even in folly, there is wisdom; even in sorrow, there is irony; even in tragedy, there is a hidden grace. The fool laughs at the surface of life, but the sage laughs at its depth — for he has seen that every truth, when held too tightly, turns false, and every sorrow, when looked at long enough, reveals a strange kind of beauty.

Consider the life of Abraham Lincoln, whose humor was not the humor of levity, but of perspective. In the blood and chaos of civil war, when the fate of a nation hung by a thread, Lincoln would still tell stories — sometimes somber, sometimes absurd. His humor was the third side of the coin, a way to see the unbearable from a distance, to bear the weight of contradiction. He did not laugh because life was easy; he laughed because he understood it too well. Humor became his shield, his insight, and his humanity.

Rorem’s quote also speaks to the nature of art and creation, for he was a composer who lived between worlds — between music and silence, intellect and emotion, discipline and freedom. His humor, like his art, was that third side of the coin — the bridge between contrasts. Every artist, every thinker, every lover must learn this way of seeing: to hold opposites in balance without being destroyed by them. To create beauty from contradiction is the highest form of humor, for it is not escape from truth, but reconciliation with it.

To “see three sides” is also to live with empathy. It is to understand that every person, every conflict, every story has more than two truths. Humor allows us to step outside ourselves, to look upon our struggles with gentleness. It transforms anger into understanding, fear into acceptance, and pride into humility. Those who can laugh kindly at themselves have already conquered their inner enemies — they have found that sacred edge between self and soul where peace resides.

But beware — this is not the shallow humor of derision, nor the cold laughter of cynicism. True humor, as Rorem describes it, requires courage — the courage to look at all sides, even those that hurt, and to smile with compassion. It is the laughter of the heart that has suffered and forgiven, the laughter that says, “I see it all, and I still choose joy.” Only the mature spirit can laugh this way, for it is not born from ignorance, but from understanding.

The lesson is eternal: Seek always the third side. When life presents you with conflict, do not choose merely one side of the coin; turn it in your hand, look at its edge, and see what lies between. When you find yourself in pain, seek the humor that transforms it — not by denying it, but by seeing it fully. For humor, as Ned Rorem teaches, is the wisdom to embrace opposites and remain whole. It is the art of standing at the edge of contradiction and laughing, not in despair, but in wonder — for to see three sides of one coin is to see life as it truly is: tragic, comic, and infinitely divine.