I am happier when I love than when I am loved. I adore my

"I am happier when I love than when I am loved. I adore my husband, my son, my grandchildren, my mother, my dog, and frankly, I don't know if they even like me. But who cares? Loving them is my joy." These words from Isabel Allende reveal the timeless and powerful truth about the nature of love — that its greatest joy lies not in receiving, but in giving. In a world that often celebrates the desire to be loved, to be admired, to be cherished, Allende calls us to a different perspective: that the true joy of love is in its selfless expression. To love, to care deeply for others, is in itself a reward far greater than the often elusive reciprocation of that love. Allende's insight is a profound reminder that love is not a commodity to be exchanged, but a spiritual offering that enriches both the giver and the receiver.

The ancients spoke frequently of love, and they often saw it as the highest form of virtue. Socrates, in his dialogues, explained that the highest kind of love is one that transcends physical desire and becomes a force that drives one to seek goodness and truth. For the Greeks, love was something to be cultivated within the soul, something that enriched not just the lover, but the world itself. Aristotle spoke of philia, a deep affection between friends that was based on shared virtue and the joy of being good together. For the ancients, love was not something to be kept or hoarded, but something to be shared freely, a gift that grows in strength the more it is given. Allende’s words echo this ancient wisdom: true joy is found not in being loved, but in the ability to love with all one’s heart.

Consider the story of Antigone, the daughter of Oedipus, from the ancient Greek tragedy. Antigone defied the orders of her king to bury her brother, a man who had been declared a traitor. She chose the love of her family over the authority of the state, even when it meant facing death. Antigone’s love was not contingent on reward or acknowledgment; it was a pure, selfless act of devotion. Her love was for the sacred duty of family, a love so deep that it transcended all other considerations, even the possibility of rejection or punishment. In her unwavering devotion, Antigone demonstrates that the true power of love lies in giving it freely, without concern for whether it is returned or appreciated. Isabel Allende’s message mirrors this idea — that to love is a form of joy and fulfillment, regardless of whether it is reciprocated.

In our own lives, we often find ourselves seeking validation or affirmation from others. We long to be loved in the ways we imagine, hoping that our worth is reflected in the attention and care others show us. Yet, as Allende wisely points out, the joy of love is not found in receiving it, but in giving it. The relationships that bring the greatest satisfaction are those in which we give freely, whether it is to our families, friends, or even pets, and do so without expectation. Think of the love of parents for their children: parents give so much of themselves, sacrificing time, energy, and sometimes their own dreams, not for the hope of reward, but out of unconditional devotion. This type of love is not bound by whether it is returned in the same form; it is a love that gives simply because it is joyful to give.

The relationship between Mother Teresa and the people she served offers a modern example of this selfless love. Mother Teresa dedicated her life to caring for the poor and the sick, offering love and compassion to the most destitute and forsaken people. She did not seek recognition or approval from those she helped, but her work was motivated solely by the love she had for them. She gave freely, without expecting anything in return, and in doing so, she found a deep, lasting joy in her service. Her love was not dependent on how others responded, but was a gift she gave to the world, and in return, she received something far greater — the peace and fulfillment that come from loving unconditionally.

The lesson from Allende’s words is clear: the joy of love is not tied to what we receive from others, but to how freely we give. It is a love that is not calculated or conditional, but is rooted in the deep satisfaction of knowing that we have loved another for their own sake. We must seek to love others without expectation, whether that be our family, our friends, or even strangers, knowing that true love is a gift that brings us joy simply by being offered. True fulfillment comes not from waiting to be loved, but in finding happiness and meaning in the act of loving others without reservation.

Therefore, my children, let your hearts be full of love and give it freely. Love your family, your friends, your world, and even your animals, not for the reward it brings, but because to love is to become more fully yourself. Live without expectation of what you will receive in return, and instead find joy in the act of loving. As Isabel Allende wisely teaches us, love for the sake of love is the greatest gift, both to others and to ourselves. When we live in this way, we create a world filled with gratitude, peace, and true joy — the joy that comes from loving without limits and without concern for what we may receive in return.