I am happy as happiness goes, for a woman who has so many

"I am happy as happiness goes, for a woman who has so many memories and who lives the lonely life of an actress." — Lillie Langtry

In these wistful and dignified words, Lillie Langtry, the famed “Jersey Lily” of the Victorian stage, bares the paradox of the artist’s soul — a heart filled with memories and melancholy, and yet still capable of calling itself happy. Her words shimmer with the quiet resignation of one who has known both the heights of adoration and the chill of solitude. She speaks not as one who seeks pity, but as one who has made peace with the price of her life’s calling. “I am happy as happiness goes,” she says, as though measuring joy by the standards of one who has lived long within the theatre’s bright light and long shadows. Hers is not the happiness of the untested spirit, but the tempered happiness of one who has endured, loved, lost, and lived deeply.

The origin of this quote lies in the later years of Lillie Langtry’s life, when the applause of her audiences had faded into memory. Once celebrated as an actress, socialite, and muse, she had stood before kings and crowds alike, dazzling all who beheld her. But behind the glitter of fame lay the cost that all who live for art must one day pay — the cost of loneliness. The stage, for all its glamour, is a place of fleeting connection; the actor’s gift is to inhabit many lives, yet belong to none. And so Langtry, looking back upon her past, recognized that happiness for her was not the simple, untroubled kind—it was a hard-earned peace, drawn from a lifetime of remembrance.

Her reflection captures the timeless truth that memory is both a blessing and a burden. The one who has lived fully gathers a treasury of moments—some bright as the morning sun, others heavy as dusk. For Langtry, those memories were her companions in solitude: the laughter of the audience, the heat of the stage lamps, the whispered compliments of lovers and friends, and the knowledge that her art had once made hearts tremble. Yet each of these moments, however glorious, passed away. To live by applause is to live among echoes. And thus, her happiness is of a special kind — one rooted not in present joy, but in the acceptance of impermanence, in the grace of remembering without bitterness.

This condition is not unique to Langtry, but belongs to all who walk the path of the artist, the dreamer, the seeker. The painter who stares at his empty canvas, the writer who watches his words fade with time, the singer whose voice grows weary—all must one day stand alone before their memories and measure the worth of what remains. Yet even in that solitude, there is a noble beauty. For to have lived for art, for love, for meaning, is to have lived at all. Happiness, as it goes, is not constant delight, but the quiet knowledge that one’s life, however flawed, burned brightly for a time.

Consider the story of Greta Garbo, the luminous actress of a later age, who withdrew from the world at the height of her fame. She too lived “the lonely life of an actress,” retreating from the public gaze into near silence. When asked if she regretted it, she replied only, “I want to be alone.” Yet within that solitude lay her freedom. Like Langtry, she understood that fame fades, but memory endures — and within those memories resides a deeper kind of happiness, one that no audience can give or take away. Both women remind us that solitude is not sorrow, but the natural resting place of those who have given much of themselves to the world.

Thus, Lillie Langtry’s words are not lament, but wisdom. She accepts that joy and sorrow walk hand in hand; that to live richly is to invite both. Her happiness is the serenity of acceptance, the calm after the storm of youth and ambition. In her phrase “as happiness goes,” there is humility — the understanding that human joy is never perfect, never eternal, but still worth cherishing. The actress, though alone, is content, for she carries within her a universe of remembered light.

So, my child of the future, take this lesson from the Jersey Lily: true happiness is not found in the applause of others, but in the quiet harmony between what you have lived and what you have learned. Seek not endless joy, but meaningful experience. When loneliness visits you, let it not be an enemy but a teacher. Fill your life with moments worth remembering — not because they will last forever, but because they will shape the soul that endures. And when your own curtain one day falls, may you, like Lillie Langtry, look back and say with grace, “I am happy as happiness goes,” knowing that the life you lived, with all its light and shadow, was deeply, beautifully your own.