I didn't get a lot of attention from my dad when I was young.

Hear, O children of memory and seekers of healing, the words of Dolores O’Riordan, who confessed with candor and sorrow: “I didn’t get a lot of attention from my dad when I was young. That’s a big part of it for girls. Because your dad is the first love of your life. If he doesn’t put you on his lap and give you a pet, you do end up not really liking yourself that much.” These words are no mere lament; they are a testimony to the deep power of a father’s presence in shaping the heart of a child, especially the tender soul of a daughter.

The dad, in the earliest years, is more than a parent—he is the first figure through whom a daughter glimpses love, safety, and worth. To be placed upon his lap, to be given a gentle pet, is not merely an act of affection but a declaration: You are worthy. You are cherished. You are safe. If this declaration is withheld, the child grows like a vine without trellis, uncertain of her strength, doubting her beauty, questioning her own value. O’Riordan speaks here of that invisible wound, carried by many into womanhood, born not from cruelty but from absence.

For the first love of a girl is not romantic but paternal. It is in the father’s embrace that she learns whether the world welcomes her or neglects her. If he sees her, she learns to see herself; if he ignores her, she may live long years with an emptiness that no applause or success can fill. The attention of the father is a mirror, and when the mirror is missing, the daughter’s reflection grows blurred.

Consider, O listener, the tale of Eleanor Roosevelt, who, though later famed as one of the greatest women of the twentieth century, carried all her life the pain of a father who loved her but was broken by his own demons. His neglect and absence filled her with insecurity in youth. Yet she transformed this wound into empathy, becoming a voice for the voiceless, a defender of the weak. Her story, like O’Riordan’s words, reminds us of the weight of a father’s love—or its absence—in shaping destiny.

The meaning of this saying is clear: the seeds of self-worth are often sown in childhood by the hands of the dad. His words, his gaze, his gestures of affection become the foundation upon which confidence is built. Without them, the child may struggle to trust in her own worth, always searching for the validation that was missing. O’Riordan’s truth is painful, but it is also universal: many walk the earth with unseen scars from a father’s silence.

The lesson for you, O child of tomorrow, is this: if you are a father, know that your attention is not trivial—it is sacred. To sit with your daughter, to smile at her, to affirm her place in your heart, is to give her the armor she will wear all her life against doubt and despair. And if you are one who grew up without such affection, know this also: though the first mirror was missing, you may craft new mirrors. You may find your worth in friendships, in faith, in self-discovery. The wound is real, but healing is possible.

Practical action follows: fathers, give your children time, gentleness, and affection—small gestures become eternal memories. Daughters, and sons too, who have known neglect, take courage: seek healing through love freely chosen, through mentors, through self-compassion. Break the chain of silence by offering to others the attention you once longed for. In so doing, you redeem the pain and turn it into a fountain of strength.

Therefore, remember O’Riordan’s wisdom: the dad is often the first love, and in his arms a daughter first learns to love herself. But when that love is missing, life’s journey need not be condemned to despair. With awareness, with healing, with chosen love, one can restore what was absent. Let her words guide both fathers and children: that affection freely given creates generations of confidence, and neglect, if left unchallenged, can breed generations of pain. Choose love, choose presence, choose attention—for these are the roots of self-worth, and from them grows the tree of a whole life.