I don't mind being called Maddy at all, but I mind the closeness

Hear now the words of R. Madhavan, who with dignity declared: “I don’t mind being called Maddy at all, but I mind the closeness that you assume you get by calling me by my pet name. So merely by calling me Maddy, I don’t give you the authority to come and put your hand around my shoulder.” These words, though spoken in the language of daily life, carry the deep weight of boundaries, respect, and the essence of true relationship. For names are not merely sounds; they are vessels of intimacy, and to misuse them is to trespass upon a soul’s sacred space.

The ancients understood the power of names. In many traditions, to know one’s name was to hold a key to their spirit, to their essence. Yet such knowledge was not permission for mastery or false intimacy. A pet name, then, is like a token offered in affection, a gesture of warmth—but it does not erase the boundaries that guard the dignity of the person. Madhavan reminds us that true closeness cannot be seized by words or titles alone; it must be earned by trust, respect, and time.

Consider the tale of Alexander the Great, who was addressed by countless titles: king, conqueror, son of Zeus. Yet only his closest companions called him by the simpler names of youth. Those names did not grant others license to claim his friendship or his throne; they were reserved for those who had proven loyalty in battle and faith in love. So too does Madhavan declare: to call me Maddy is not to step into my innermost circle. For intimacy is not given cheaply; it is forged by respect.

The heart of this quote lies in the warning against assumption. Too often, people imagine that words or gestures can create a shortcut to closeness. They forget that familiarity without foundation is hollow. To use a pet name without true relationship is like wearing the robes of a king without his crown—it may look the part, but it carries no real authority. Madhavan’s wisdom is a shield, teaching us that respect for boundaries is as important as affection in building lasting bonds.

This truth is echoed in the lives of many leaders and thinkers who guarded their inner space. Mahatma Gandhi, though loved by millions, allowed only a few to step into his private circle. Others may have spoken his name, sung his praises, or claimed his ideals, but only trust and humility gave one the right to stand near his shoulder. Thus, the lesson repeats across time: love must be accompanied by reverence, and closeness must be rooted in respect.

The lesson for us is clear: learn to distinguish between familiarity and intimacy. Do not confuse a name, a smile, or a title with permission to claim someone’s closeness. Relationships deepen not through assumption, but through patience, kindness, and the honoring of boundaries. In respecting those boundaries, we show true love, for love without respect is not love but possession.

Practically, this means asking before assuming, honoring personal space, and remembering that no word or nickname entitles us to take what has not been offered. If we wish to draw close to another, let it be by deeds of loyalty, by acts of understanding, and by the quiet patience that builds trust over time. For only then can a pet name carry its true weight, becoming not a mask of familiarity but a symbol of real bond.

So let these words endure: A name may open the door of speech, but only respect opens the door of the heart. Madhavan’s wisdom calls us to cherish names, but never to mistake them for license. Walk gently, honor boundaries, and let intimacy grow as a gift freely given, not as a right presumptuously claimed. In this way, relationships will flourish in dignity, and love will endure in truth.