I don't think it's necessarily healthy to go into relationships
I don't think it's necessarily healthy to go into relationships as a needy person. Better to go in with a full deck.
Anjelica Huston, with the candor of one seasoned in life and love, once declared: “I don’t think it’s necessarily healthy to go into relationships as a needy person. Better to go in with a full deck.” In this wisdom, she reveals the ancient truth that love is not meant to be the remedy for emptiness, but the meeting of two whole souls. To enter a relationship from neediness is to bring imbalance, for it demands what the self has not first cultivated.
The ancients knew this well. The philosophers taught that the soul must first know itself, and the poets sang that only the self-sufficient heart can truly give. To carry a “full deck” is to be inwardly rich—to hold confidence, dignity, and strength within oneself. Only then can love be an offering, not a desperate grasping, and only then can partnership be harmony rather than dependency.
Huston’s words also warn against the illusions of desire. Many seek a relationship as a cure for loneliness, as though another could fill the void that lies within. Yet such unions soon collapse, for no one can carry the weight of another’s incompleteness. Love should not be a substitute for selfhood; it should be the sharing of abundance. The one who is already whole gives freely, while the one who is needy drains and destroys.
But her saying is not cold—it is full of hope. To be complete before loving does not mean to be without wounds, but to stand aware of them, to take responsibility for one’s own healing. In this way, two souls may meet not as beggars, but as equals—lifting each other, not dragging each other down. This is the true glory of love, that it multiplies strength rather than compensates for weakness.
Let the generations remember: enter relationships not to be made whole, but to share your wholeness. Do not come as a beggar with empty hands, but as one who brings gifts of spirit, mind, and heart. For as Huston teaches, the union of two complete beings creates not chains, but wings—lifting both to heights they could never reach alone.
NHNgan Ha
Interesting perspective! But how do we define being 'whole' or having a 'full deck'? Does it mean financial stability, emotional maturity, or something else? It seems like there are many aspects to consider before we even think about relationships. If we wait until we’re perfect, though, will we ever truly feel ready to connect with someone?
YPNguyen Ngoc Yen Phuong
I get the idea behind this quote, but sometimes, needing someone is part of what makes us human. If we always go into relationships as 'whole' individuals, how can we support each other in times of weakness? Is it about finding someone to complement you or about being entirely self-sufficient first? That’s a fine line to walk, isn’t it?
NLNgoc Le
This quote makes me think about how we often see relationships as a source of fulfillment. But Anjelica's point suggests that we should already feel complete on our own. Does this imply that relationships are better when both people come with emotional security? I wonder how many relationships succeed based on this foundation, rather than one person relying too much on the other.
VHHuynh Van Huy
I agree with the idea that being needy can put unnecessary pressure on a relationship. But, does that mean we have to be emotionally independent before entering a relationship? It seems unrealistic to expect everyone to have everything together. Shouldn’t vulnerability and neediness be a part of healthy connection too? It’s hard to balance self-sufficiency with the openness to rely on someone else.