I have a respect for manners as such, they are a way of dealing

The words of Margaret Mead — "I have a respect for manners as such, they are a way of dealing with people you don't agree with or like." — are not light or trivial, as some might think when they hear of manners. No, they are a shield and a bridge, a weapon tempered not for destruction but for peace. For when two souls stand opposed, when tempers rise and the heart grows restless, manners become the sacred thread that prevents the cloth of society from tearing apart.

The ancients knew this well. In the courts of kings and the councils of warriors, manners were not empty gestures; they were the art of survival. To bow, to greet with respect, to speak with measured words — these acts were not signs of weakness, but of wisdom. For when swords could be drawn in an instant, it was manners that gave men the chance to step back from bloodshed. Mead speaks with the insight of an anthropologist, but her words are also the wisdom of the ages: without manners, disagreements consume us; with them, even enemies may speak without violence.

Think of the tale of Abraham Lincoln, who led a divided nation through its darkest hour. Many of his rivals despised him, mocked him, even plotted against him. Yet Lincoln bore himself with manners, treating even those who opposed him with dignity. He welcomed adversaries into his cabinet, calling them to serve the very cause they had doubted. His courtesy disarmed many who sought only conflict, and even where agreement was impossible, his civility left no room for hatred to fester unchecked. Respect for manners allowed him to hold together a fractured people, at least long enough to preserve the Union.

Manners, then, are not mere decorations of society; they are the armor of the spirit. They protect us when emotions burn hot and differences seem insurmountable. To return anger with anger is easy, but to return anger with dignity requires strength. It is no accident that Mead, who studied cultures across the world, saw in manners a universal code — one that allowed human beings of differing tribes, faiths, and temperaments to live beside one another without constant strife.

The lesson here is not to love everyone equally, for such a command is beyond human capacity. Rather, it is to treat all with respect, whether or not we agree with them, whether or not we cherish them. For in honoring the form — in offering the handshake, the courteous word, the patience of listening — we preserve the dignity of our shared humanity. To abandon manners is to abandon the fragile covenant that allows strangers to walk the earth together without devouring one another.

Therefore, what should you do? When you face someone whose views offend you, or whose presence stirs dislike, do not abandon courtesy. Speak with restraint, not because they deserve it, but because you honor yourself. Listen with patience, not to yield, but to guard peace. Offer respect in form, even where you cannot in heart, for this is the path of wisdom. By practicing manners, you wield a subtle power — the power to preserve harmony where chaos seeks to reign.

Remember this truth: manners are not hypocrisy; they are mercy. They are the recognition that though we differ, we must live together. To live without them is to return to the wilderness, where only the strongest prevail. To live with them is to keep alive the dream of civilization itself. Thus, Mead’s words must be treasured, passed down like an heirloom of wisdom, so that in times of division, humanity may yet walk in dignity rather than destruction.