I have not that joy in the Holy Ghost, no settled, lasting joy;

Hear the trembling confession of John Wesley, the great preacher and founder of Methodism: “I have not that joy in the Holy Ghost, no settled, lasting joy; nor have I such a peace as excludes the possibility either of fear or doubt.” These words, spoken by a man who shaped nations with his faith, reveal not triumph, but frailty. They show us that even the strongest servants of God, even the most tireless laborers in His vineyard, may know seasons when their souls are restless, when their hearts thirst for a joy they cannot yet grasp.

The meaning of Wesley’s words lies in their paradox. He was a man aflame with holy purpose, yet he confesses the absence of that abiding joy and peace that many imagine to be the constant portion of the saint. Instead, he admits to fear, to doubt, to longing unfulfilled. This does not weaken his witness—it strengthens it. For in his honesty we see that faith is not the denial of doubt, but the courage to walk forward despite it. The Holy Ghost may not always overwhelm the soul with sweetness, but He sustains those who continue the journey in trust.

The origin of these words lies in a particular season of Wesley’s life. After years of preaching, of traveling across stormy seas and hostile lands, Wesley was tormented by inner uncertainty. He felt unworthy of the full assurance of salvation, unworthy of the perfect peace he preached. And yet, in that struggle, he pressed on. Soon after, he experienced his famous “Aldersgate moment,” when his heart was “strangely warmed” and he found a deeper assurance of Christ. Thus, these words mark the valley before the mountaintop, the shadow before the dawn.

History gives us another mirror of this struggle in the life of Mother Teresa of Calcutta. For decades, she lived amidst suffering, tending to the poorest of the poor, yet in her private letters she confessed to seasons of deep spiritual dryness—an aching absence of felt joy in the presence of God. Yet, like Wesley, she did not cease her labor. She pressed on, proving that true faith is not the absence of darkness, but the willingness to serve while the light is hidden. This is the greatness of those who endure: they seek God even when peace is veiled.

The lesson is powerful: do not despair when your soul lacks constant joy or unwavering peace. Faith is not measured by perpetual delight, but by perseverance. To walk on through fear, to cling to God though doubt gnaws at the heart—this is a truer act of devotion than the easy worship of the one who never wrestles with weakness. Remember, even John Wesley, the mighty preacher, confessed his struggle. If such giants of faith could doubt, so too may we, yet still remain within the embrace of God.

In practical life, when you feel bereft of joy, do not abandon your prayers. When your heart feels restless and without peace, do not forsake the fellowship of believers. Instead, continue in the small acts of obedience: read the Scriptures, extend kindness, lift your voice in song, even if your soul feels dry. Often, the dawn comes only to those who endure the night. Wesley’s own story teaches us this truth—his confession was not the end of his faith, but the soil from which deeper assurance grew.

Therefore, let your heart be comforted, O listener. Do not measure your faith by fleeting feelings, but by steadfastness. Do not despise the day of doubt, for it may prepare you for a greater revelation of joy in the Holy Ghost. Live faithfully, even when your emotions falter, and trust that the God who carried Wesley through the shadows will also bring you into light.

So remember: fear and doubt may visit, but they need not conquer. True strength is not found in never wavering, but in rising again, holding fast to God even when the soul feels empty. Follow Wesley’s path: confess your weakness, continue your journey, and wait upon the Lord. For in time, your heart too may be “strangely warmed,” and you will know that the peace and joy you longed for were never absent, only hidden, waiting for the appointed hour to be revealed.