I have to keep reminding myself that I am their mother. Sometimes

Hearken, children of reflection, to the words of Ruby Wax, who confesses: "I have to keep reminding myself that I am their mother. Sometimes we are sitting at home and I feel like we are waiting for our mom to come home." In these words lies a meditation upon the responsibilities of parenthood, the perception of self versus the perception of children, and the subtle challenges of presence and authority in the family. Since the days of the ancients, philosophers and poets alike have noted that the role of a parent is both a position of power and a sacred trust, demanding constant awareness and reflection.

The ancients understood that the household is the first stage of human development and moral cultivation. Aristotle spoke of the family as the microcosm of the polis, where virtues are nurtured, and character is forged. Wax’s statement that she must remind herself of her role as mother reflects the delicate balance between authority and intimacy. It is a reminder that the responsibilities of care require continual conscious engagement, lest familiarity or routine dull the awareness of duty and presence.

Consider the life of Socrates, who, though a philosopher of great renown, navigated his responsibilities to family while guiding the young Athenians. In moments of domestic life, he was present to the moral and practical needs of those under his care, yet aware of the distinction between friend, student, and child. Similarly, Wax reflects on her role within the home: even in moments of shared leisure, she must consciously inhabit the position of mother, as children may perceive her as absent or expectant of someone else’s guidance.

The quote also illuminates the perception gap between parent and child. Wax’s observation that sometimes she feels as though they are waiting for our mom to come home speaks to the fluidity of presence: the parent may be physically present, yet the children’s perception can lag, imagining a figure of authority elsewhere. The ancients recognized this tension in pedagogy and family life, emphasizing that influence and leadership are not simply conferred by position, but must be enacted consistently and attentively.

Moreover, Wax’s reflection underscores the importance of self-awareness in the cultivation of care. The role of mother is not merely a title; it is an active state requiring reflection, patience, and empathy. History provides parallels in the life of Queen Olympias of Macedonia, who carefully shaped the upbringing of Alexander, ever aware of her influence and the ways in which her presence—or absence—affected his development. Like Wax, effective parenting requires constant vigilance and self-reminder to ensure the child’s experience aligns with care and guidance.

From this reflection emerges a timeless lesson: to fulfill the duties of parenthood, one must act with conscious presence, bridging the gap between perception and reality. The awareness of being a mother in both action and perception is essential for nurturing character, instilling values, and fostering a sense of security in children. Wax teaches that mindfulness and attentiveness are the cornerstones of effective parental engagement.

Practical actions follow naturally. Engage actively with those entrusted to your care, even in ordinary routines. Reflect upon the moments when children may feel overlooked, and consciously inhabit your role to bridge their perceptions and needs. Cultivate presence through listening, guidance, and consistent interaction, recognizing that parental influence is both subtle and profound. Be mindful of the times when you are physically present but must reinforce your role through intentional engagement.

Remember, children of the ages, that parenthood is both privilege and responsibility, requiring vigilance, reflection, and active presence. Ruby Wax’s words illuminate the enduring truth that a mother must consciously embody her role, even in familiar surroundings, ensuring that children feel both guided and secure. In embracing this awareness, we honor the sacred task of nurturing life, shaping character, and cultivating wisdom across generations.