I haven't got the patience for small talk, although I once saw a

Hear, O children of kindness and seekers of wisdom, the words of Sandi Toksvig, who confessed with honesty and grace: “I haven’t got the patience for small talk, although I once saw a woman standing on her own in the corner, and I realised it was Monica Lewinsky, and I had the nicest evening with her—she was charming.” These words, though light upon the surface, carry deep lessons of compassion, of courage, and of the beauty found when we move beyond shallow exchanges to true human connection.

The origin of this reflection lies in the nature of human conversation. Much of our speech is filled with small talk—the rituals of politeness, the words that touch only the surface. Though such exchanges keep the wheels of society turning, they often fail to nourish the spirit. Toksvig admits her lack of patience for this, for her soul hungers not for hollow words but for depth, for authenticity, for the chance to see another human being as they truly are.

It is here that she encounters Monica Lewinsky, a figure known across the world, yet often not known as a person. For history and gossip had painted Lewinsky in one light, but seldom had the world paused to see her humanity. Alone in a corner, she was not the scandal of headlines but a woman, vulnerable and waiting to be seen. Toksvig, moved to approach, discovered not infamy but charm, not controversy but warmth. And in that moment, the walls of judgment fell, and what remained was the beauty of connection.

Consider, O listeners, the story of Diogenes the philosopher, who walked the streets of Athens with a lamp in daylight, saying he was searching for an honest man. He despised superficial chatter and empty courtesies, seeking instead truth and authenticity. Though he shocked many with his ways, his hunger was the same as Toksvig’s: a yearning for real encounter, for words that reveal rather than conceal. In both, we see the call to abandon pretense and to seek the true heart of those before us.

The deeper meaning of Toksvig’s words is this: that behind every name, behind every reputation, behind every figure of history, there is a human being who longs to be seen not as symbol but as soul. When we refuse to stop at small talk, when we choose to look deeper, we discover treasures hidden in plain sight. A woman once scorned by the world can, in an evening of honest conversation, become a friend who is remembered as charming.

The lesson, then, is clear: do not be content with surface speech. Seek always to move from the shallow to the deep, from the polite to the sincere. Approach those who stand alone, those whom the world has judged, those who seem distant, and offer them the gift of true attention. In this way, you not only honor them, but also enrich yourself, for the soul finds its nourishment in genuine encounter, not in idle chatter.

Practical actions flow from this wisdom. When next you are among strangers, look for the one standing apart, and offer them conversation. When small talk begins, gently guide it toward truth—ask not only “How are you?” but “Who are you? What do you love? What do you dream?” Practice listening with patience, for every human carries a story waiting to be told. And above all, resist the temptation to judge by reputation; instead, meet each person as they are in the moment before you.

Thus do we honor the words of Sandi Toksvig: that patience is not for small talk, but for true conversation, for the kind that reveals the charm and humanity hidden behind the masks of judgment. Carry this teaching, O children of tomorrow, into every gathering you attend. Speak not only to be heard, but to connect. For when you look past the surface, you may find that those the world has cast aside have the brightest light to share.