I kept a diary right after I was born. Day 1: Tired from the

I kept a diary right after I was born. Day 1: Tired from the move. Day 2: Everyone thinks I'm an idiot.

- Steven Wright -

Or copy link

https://importantquote.com//quotes/i-kept-a-diary-right-after-i-was-born-day-1-tired-from-the-58075

Copy

Copy succcess!

(1 evaluate)

Steven Wright

American - Comedian Born: December 6, 1955

With the author

I was a peripheral visionary. I could see the future, but only way off to the side.

Steven Wright

Sometimes I wish my first word was 'quote,' so that on my death bed, my last words could be 'end quote.'

Steven Wright

I have an answering machine in my car. It says, I'm home now. But leave a message and I'll call when I'm out.

Steven Wright

If you are in a spaceship that is traveling at the speed of light, and you turn on the headlights, does anything happen?

Steven Wright

I went to a restaurant that serves 'breakfast at any time'. So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance.

Steven Wright

You know those things that you throw the twigs into and it spits them out? That's what I do. The branches are like life, and I throw them into my head and some of it comes out as humor.

Steven Wright

I remember when the candle shop burned down. Everyone stood around singing 'Happy Birthday.'

Steven Wright

I busted a mirror and got seven years bad luck, but my lawyer thinks he can get me five.

Steven Wright

Same category

I can remember my father gave me a huge history of football for my 12th birthday - I used to read that a lot. I can remember thinking it was cool that something I was interested in even had a history. Most things I loved didn't.

Nick Hornby

Mattresses! Beautiful! Let's go buy a couple of mattresses. Give 'em to people for their birthday.

Lawrence Tierney

I tried to bake a cake for my mother's birthday - it took me four hours. It was terrible, and I cried for three days.

Rachael Ray

My poor kids have accepted that being dropped off late to birthday parties, practices, and yes, school, is just part of the large family package.

Rachel Campos-Duffy

I don't really remember, but I'm positive that whenever I cried, my mother gave me something to eat. I'm sure that whenever I had a fight with the little girl next door, or it was raining and I couldn't go out, or I wasn't invited to a birthday party, my mother gave me a piece of candy to make me feel better.

Jean Nidetch

I'm good in summer. My birthday is in summer. I don't like it when it's too hot, but, you know, blue skies, I think people genuinely loosen up a bit, and it's nicer.

George Ezra

Handmade presents are scary because they reveal that you have too much free time.

Douglas Coupland

Washington's birthday is worthy of celebration - he is one of the greatest men in history. But Washington himself would likely have seen celebration of the office of the presidency itself as monarchic in nature.

I kept a diary right after I was born. Day 1: Tired from the

I kept a diary right after I was born. Day 1: Tired from the move. Day 2: Everyone thinks I'm an idiot.

With the author

I was a peripheral visionary. I could see the future, but only way off to the side.

Sometimes I wish my first word was 'quote,' so that on my death bed, my last words could be 'end quote.'

I have an answering machine in my car. It says, I'm home now. But leave a message and I'll call when I'm out.

If you are in a spaceship that is traveling at the speed of light, and you turn on the headlights, does anything happen?

I went to a restaurant that serves 'breakfast at any time'. So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance.

You know those things that you throw the twigs into and it spits them out? That's what I do. The branches are like life, and I throw them into my head and some of it comes out as humor.

I remember when the candle shop burned down. Everyone stood around singing 'Happy Birthday.'

I busted a mirror and got seven years bad luck, but my lawyer thinks he can get me five.

Same category

I can remember my father gave me a huge history of football for my 12th birthday - I used to read that a lot. I can remember thinking it was cool that something I was interested in even had a history. Most things I loved didn't.

Mattresses! Beautiful! Let's go buy a couple of mattresses. Give 'em to people for their birthday.

I tried to bake a cake for my mother's birthday - it took me four hours. It was terrible, and I cried for three days.

My poor kids have accepted that being dropped off late to birthday parties, practices, and yes, school, is just part of the large family package.

I'm good in summer. My birthday is in summer. I don't like it when it's too hot, but, you know, blue skies, I think people genuinely loosen up a bit, and it's nicer.

Handmade presents are scary because they reveal that you have too much free time.

Washington's birthday is worthy of celebration - he is one of the greatest men in history. But Washington himself would likely have seen celebration of the office of the presidency itself as monarchic in nature.

Dennis Hastert Quotes

Wynton Marsalis Quotes

Helen Rowland Quotes

Kate Pierson Quotes

Cameron Diaz Quotes

Nicholas Sparks Quotes

Gracie Allen Quotes

Society Quotes

Isaac Newton

Jean Kerr

Christina Baker Kline

Philipp Lahm

N. T. Wright

Austin Seferian-Jenkins

Kid Cudi

Yvonne Orji