I remember that Pu La had come for one of my premieres and I was

In the sacred realm of true friendship, there is a bond that surpasses all expectations, a bond that transcends the superficial, the transactional, and even the personal ambitions of the moment. Ashok Saraf recounts a powerful moment in his life, where Pu La Deshpande, a revered figure in Marathi literature and theatre, came to see his performance at a premiere. Saraf waited anxiously for Deshpande's judgment on his acting, but when Deshpande emerged during the interval, his concern was not the performance on the stage but the well-being of Saraf's father. Saraf's words—"such was their friendship"—reveal the deep nature of true connection, where the essence of friendship is rooted not in the transactional or the superficial, but in an unwavering concern for the other's well-being.

In the ancient world, this kind of deep, selfless connection between friends was celebrated as a form of virtuous living. The Greeks, in particular, revered the bond of friendship as one of the highest forms of human connection. In his treatise on friendship, Aristotle spoke of the three types of friendships: those of utility, those of pleasure, and the highest form—those of virtue. In a virtuous friendship, as Aristotle taught, friends are concerned not with what they can gain from each other but with mutual well-being and the shared pursuit of the good. In this light, Pu La Deshpande’s actions reflect the highest form of friendship, one that looks beyond personal accolades, achievements, or recognition and instead centers around genuine care and concern for the other person’s family, heart, and life.

This principle of selflessness in friendship was evident in many stories from antiquity. One such story is that of Damon and Pythias, whose friendship was famously celebrated in Greek legend. When Pythias was sentenced to death by the tyrant Dionysius, Damon offered himself as a hostage, willing to die in Pythias' place so that his friend could settle his affairs. Pythias returned in time to save Damon, and the tyrant, moved by such self-sacrifice, pardoned both. Their friendship was not born of mutual advantage but of a deep, abiding commitment to one another’s welfare, a love that surpassed self-interest and personal gain. The story of Damon and Pythias serves as a powerful testament to the enduring strength of friendship—one where true connection is rooted in the well-being of the other.

In the more recent history of Pu La Deshpande, his friendship with Ashok Saraf mirrors these ancient ideals. Deshpande’s concern for Saraf’s father above all else during the premiere reveals the selflessness that is at the heart of genuine friendships. Deshpande was not distracted by the glories of the stage or the performances before him, but rather, his mind and heart were focused on the personal, the human connection that mattered most. This act speaks to the power of friendship that remains anchored in real life, where the successes and failures of the world are secondary to the profound care and love we extend to those we hold dear.

The lesson we learn from this moment, and from the stories of both Damon and Pythias and Deshpande and Saraf, is the reminder that true friendship is not measured by outward accomplishments or accolades. It is measured by the quiet, everyday acts of care, concern, and selflessness. To be a true friend is to be there for the other person, not in moments of personal benefit, but in moments when genuine concern for their life and their loved ones takes precedence. This kind of friendship asks not for applause or recognition but simply for the space to care for and support another, expecting nothing in return.

In our own lives, we must reflect on the nature of our relationships. When we seek friendship, let us seek not only the company of those who celebrate our successes but those who are ready to stand with us in times of difficulty. Let us not measure our relationships by the surface level of achievements or by the recognition we receive but by the depth of care and concern we offer to one another. In the moments of life where the world demands our attention, let us remember that true friendship lives in the quiet moments—when we care more for our friend’s family, their heart, and their well-being than for the superficial measures of success that may often pass us by.

So, take this wisdom into your own life. Seek to be a friend who is not defined by self-interest but by selflessness. In every relationship, seek the well-being of the other, and in doing so, you will find a friendship that is enduring, true, and capable of withstanding the trials of time. Just as Pu La Deshpande and Ashok Saraf knew the value of a bond that transcended the moment, let us all strive to cultivate friendships that honor the heart, that respect the soul, and that bind us together in the sacred dance of human connection.