I spent so many years in terror of 'making it legal' because the

Listen well, O seekers of wisdom, to the reflection of Lynn Coady, who spoke with both trepidation and insight: "I spent so many years in terror of 'making it legal' because the expression rang all too true—the wedding ritual struck me as nothing but a flowery front for the fulfilment of countless, tedious contracts and obligations." In these words lies a meditation on the tension between the romantic ideal and the weight of human conventions, between the soaring of the heart and the chains of duty. Coady’s insight pierces the veil of ceremony, revealing that behind every glittering ritual there lie expectations that can bind the spirit as firmly as any chain.

Since time immemorial, humanity has sought to sanctify unions through ritual. In the temples of ancient Greece, in the halls of Rome, in the shrines of the Orient, marriages were celebrated with beauty, song, and reverence. Yet beneath the splendor lay the practicalities: alliances of families, the transfer of property, and the cementing of obligations that ensured the continuity of social order. Coady’s words remind us that the wedding ritual, while appearing ethereal and tender, often conceals a labyrinth of contracts, of duties both explicit and implied, that define the practical reality of union.

Consider the marriage of Eleanor of Aquitaine and Henry II of England. To the untrained eye, it was a romantic joining of hearts, yet behind the flowery ritual lay the consolidation of vast lands, political power, and complex feudal obligations. Their union carried the weight of kingdoms, and while affection may have existed, the contracts and obligations were paramount. Coady’s reflection echoes this timeless truth: that human bonds are often intertwined with responsibilities that extend far beyond personal desire, and that the terror of this awareness is not to be dismissed.

In our own era, many feel a similar dread: the apprehension of making it legal, of transforming love into a formal institution, can be suffocating. The rituals, the vows, the paperwork—all speak of permanence and accountability. To some, these are blessings; to others, like Coady, they are burdens, reminders that the ideal of union is tempered by the weight of social and legal expectation. The terror she speaks of is the recognition that love, once enshrined in law and ritual, becomes inseparable from duty, from the mundane fulfillment of promises that may outlast passion itself.

Yet this is not counsel against union, but a deeper meditation on awareness. By understanding that the wedding ritual is both celebration and contract, one may approach it with clarity, not illusion. The ancients taught that wisdom lies in seeing both the light and the shadow: in love, there is joy, but also responsibility; in ceremony, there is beauty, but also structure. To approach life blind to these truths is to court disappointment, while to approach it informed is to act with courage and integrity.

The lesson, therefore, is both sobering and empowering: recognize the contracts and obligations that underpin human institutions, but do not allow them to overshadow the authentic emotions and connections that inspire them. In your own life, reflect upon the agreements you enter, whether in love, friendship, or endeavor, and acknowledge their weight. By doing so, you embrace responsibility without sacrificing consciousness, and passion without losing prudence. Coady’s insight is a beacon: love is enriched, not diminished, by awareness.

O students of life, let the words of Lynn Coady guide your hearts and minds. Understand that the terror of legal entanglement is but a reflection of your desire for authenticity, for freedom of spirit within structured society. Do not fear the obligations that accompany union, but meet them with preparation, honesty, and mutual respect. Let ceremony and contracts coexist with love and joy, so that your life is neither naive nor encumbered, but balanced upon the fulcrum of awareness and care.

Take this teaching into your daily actions: honor your vows, whether spoken or implied; approach rituals with both reverence and discernment; weigh obligations, yet cherish the human connections that inspire them. For in this balance, between the flowery front and the reality of contracts and obligations, lies the wisdom of generations and the path to a life lived fully, consciously, and with enduring depth.