If I talk to a woman for more than five minutes I can tell you

In the words of Michael Patrick King, “If I talk to a woman for more than five minutes I can tell you exactly whether she's an Aidan girl or a Mr. Big girl. Aidan girls are more interested in nurturing relationships and building a nest, while Mr. Big girls are more about show and having fun.” — we find not merely a reflection on romance, but a mirror held up to the human heart itself. Beneath the language of modern storytelling lies an eternal truth: that every soul walks between two desires — the desire for security and the longing for adventure. King, the creative force behind Sex and the City, speaks through the lens of love, but his words touch upon the deeper struggle within us all: the balance between comfort and passion, between what grounds us and what ignites us.

The meaning of this quote stretches beyond the surface of romantic preference. The “Aidan girl” and the “Mr. Big girl” are not merely lovers of different men, but embodiments of two archetypes that live within the heart of every person — the nurturer and the seeker, the builder and the dreamer. The Aidan spirit finds beauty in simplicity, in loyalty, in the slow unfolding of affection. She seeks to create — a home, a partnership, a life woven with steadiness and warmth. The Mr. Big spirit, by contrast, is drawn to the flame of excitement, to charisma, to the thrill of uncertainty. She does not seek safety first, but experience. Both, in their essence, are expressions of love — one grounded in tenderness, the other in desire for transcendence.

The origin of this reflection lies in King’s understanding of the two great forces that shape human relationships: attachment and aspiration. Through his storytelling, he revealed the eternal duality that poets and philosophers have long pondered. In Greek mythology, there is Hestia, goddess of the hearth, who keeps the sacred fire of home; and there is Aphrodite, goddess of love and desire, who ignites the passions that drive men and women toward transformation. In truth, we are all children of both — for what is love without passion, and what is passion without peace? Thus, when King speaks of women as “Aidan girls” or “Mr. Big girls,” he is naming not just preferences, but archetypes of the soul.

To understand this further, let us recall the story of Penelope and Odysseus from the Odyssey. Penelope is the embodiment of the Aidan heart — patient, steadfast, weaving by day and unweaving by night as she awaits her husband’s return. Her love is constant, her faith unwavering. Odysseus, on the other hand, carries within him the spirit of Mr. Big — restless, daring, seduced by adventure and by the mysteries of the sea. Yet, it is only when these two forces are reunited — stability and passion, home and journey — that wholeness is restored. Their tale teaches that no one type of love completes us fully; it is the union of both that brings true harmony to the heart.

In modern times, this struggle remains. Some souls are weary of chaos and long for an anchor; others are restless with stillness and yearn for fire. Michael Patrick King, in his insight, does not condemn either path. He simply observes how clearly one’s nature reveals itself — how swiftly our hearts declare whether they seek to build a life or live a dream. Yet, the wise understand that the two paths are not enemies, but companions. The heart that learns to nurture without losing its fire, and to seek excitement without forsaking peace, becomes a heart that is both free and fulfilled.

There is also in his words a reflection on the nature of love in the modern age, where identity and desire intertwine. In an era of self-expression, we often define ourselves by whom we love, or how we love — but King reminds us that these patterns come not from circumstance, but from the architecture of the soul. To be an Aidan spirit or a Big spirit is not a choice of partners, but a revelation of values. Do you find your joy in the quiet rhythm of companionship, or in the vibrant dance of unpredictability? Neither is lesser, but both require awareness — for each carries its own cost, and its own reward.

Thus, the lesson of this quote is this: know your heart, and love accordingly. Do not chase one kind of love because the world applauds it, nor reject another because it seems too humble or too wild. Understand whether your spirit yearns to build or to burn, to nest or to fly — and then honor that truth. Yet, remember too that wisdom lies in balance. For even the Aidan heart must sometimes taste adventure, and even the Big heart must someday rest by a fire. The soul that learns both will neither lose its spark nor its peace.

And so, my children, remember: within you dwell both the nurturer and the wanderer, both hearth and horizon. Do not despise one for the other, but let them converse, let them shape one another. The love that lasts is not one of endless passion or eternal safety, but of balance — where the warmth of devotion meets the light of desire, and where the soul can both rest and dream. For as Michael Patrick King reminds us in jest and in wisdom alike, our loves reveal who we are — and in knowing what kind of love we seek, we begin to know ourselves.