If you're going to plan a wedding, then a certain amount of

In the words of Ellie Kemper, there is humor, yet beneath the laughter dwells an ancient truth: “If you're going to plan a wedding, then a certain amount of suffering is not a choice.” For here we see the wisdom that even joy demands a price, and that behind every radiant feast lies the hidden labor of toil, conflict, and sacrifice. The wedding, though meant to honor love, often becomes a crucible where expectations, desires, and traditions collide.

The suffering she speaks of is not only the burden of endless decisions—the flowers, the food, the music—but the weight of balancing hearts: the wishes of family, the pride of custom, the dreams of the couple themselves. To endure this is not optional, but inevitable, for every sacred occasion carries within it a shadow. The greater the joy to be unveiled, the greater the strain required to bring it forth.

History remembers the marriage of Alexander the Great and Roxana. Though their love was genuine, their wedding was not only a union of two souls but a political event, heavy with alliances, expectations, and rivalries. The feasting and splendor dazzled the eye, but behind the curtain lay strain, tension, and compromise. Just as Kemper suggests, even in times of joy, suffering is woven into the tapestry, inseparable from the triumph.

This saying is also a mirror for life itself. The things most cherished—whether a marriage, a child, or a great work—are not born without struggle. Just as the smith must hammer metal in fire to forge a blade, so must love endure the fire of logistics, misunderstandings, and stress before it can stand strong. The wedding becomes not merely a ceremony of vows, but a trial that proves the endurance of those who dare to love.

So let this wisdom be passed down: do not flee the suffering of planning, nor curse the strain it brings. Embrace it as part of the sacred work, for the joy at the altar shines brighter because of the trials endured to reach it. In weddings, as in all of life, the path to celebration is marked with hardship, yet those who endure with patience find that the beauty of the moment far outweighs the pain of preparation.