I'm not a big birthday guy; I never have been.

I'm not a big birthday guy; I never have been.

- Lewis Black -

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Lewis Black

American - Comedian Born: August 30, 1948

With the author

If you're working out in front of a mirror and watching your muscles grow, your ego has reached a point where it is now eating itself. That's why I believe there should be a psychiatrist at every health club, so that when they see you doing this, they will take you away for a little chat.

Lewis Black

There's no such thing as soy milk. It's soy juice.

Lewis Black

Online, there's no time. It's always Christmas.

Lewis Black

Republicans have nothing but bad ideas and Democrats have no ideas.

Lewis Black

Saying that the Palestinian people aren't really a people - that's not a zany thing to say. That's a psychotic thing to say in the midst of all of the politics we live through on a daily basis.

Lewis Black

A father and two sons run Adelphia. It's a cable company. And they took from that company a billion dollars. A billion. Three people - three people took a billion dollars. What were they gonna do, start their own space program? 'Let's send the monkey to Mars, Dad!'

Lewis Black

I like indoor Christmas trees. And I like people who decorate their homes with lights and all that crap. I think it's a healthy outlet for them. If they weren't covering their lawns with twinkling lights, they'd be doing something that was really, really creepy.

Lewis Black

What I find most disturbing about Valentine's Day is, look, I get that you have to have a holiday of love, but in the height of flu season, it makes no sense.

Lewis Black

Same category

My happiest memory of childhood was my first birthday in reform school. This teacher took an interest in me. In fact, he gave me the first birthday presents I ever got: a box of Cracker Jacks and a can of ABC shoe polish.

Flip Wilson

I decided that every year on my birthday, I'm going to release a new clown mask.

Shawn Crahan

I think I've wanted to be an actress since the day I was born. I even asked my parents for an agent for my seventh birthday!

Shoshannah Stern

My father took me and my about-to-be-traumatized friends to Stanley Kubrick's '2001' for my 10th birthday party.

David Hewlett

The way I see it, you should live everyday like its your birthday.

Paris Hilton

As a kid, I always went to therapists; the first time was when my parents were separated on my sixth birthday, then on and off since then.

Pete Wentz

You take away all the other luxuries in life, and if you can make someone smile and laugh, you have given the most special gift: happiness.

Brad Garrett

Washington's birthday is worthy of celebration - he is one of the greatest men in history. But Washington himself would likely have seen celebration of the office of the presidency itself as monarchic in nature.

I'm not a big birthday guy; I never have been.

I'm not a big birthday guy; I never have been.

With the author

If you're working out in front of a mirror and watching your muscles grow, your ego has reached a point where it is now eating itself. That's why I believe there should be a psychiatrist at every health club, so that when they see you doing this, they will take you away for a little chat.

There's no such thing as soy milk. It's soy juice.

Online, there's no time. It's always Christmas.

Republicans have nothing but bad ideas and Democrats have no ideas.

Saying that the Palestinian people aren't really a people - that's not a zany thing to say. That's a psychotic thing to say in the midst of all of the politics we live through on a daily basis.

A father and two sons run Adelphia. It's a cable company. And they took from that company a billion dollars. A billion. Three people - three people took a billion dollars. What were they gonna do, start their own space program? 'Let's send the monkey to Mars, Dad!'

I like indoor Christmas trees. And I like people who decorate their homes with lights and all that crap. I think it's a healthy outlet for them. If they weren't covering their lawns with twinkling lights, they'd be doing something that was really, really creepy.

What I find most disturbing about Valentine's Day is, look, I get that you have to have a holiday of love, but in the height of flu season, it makes no sense.

Same category

My happiest memory of childhood was my first birthday in reform school. This teacher took an interest in me. In fact, he gave me the first birthday presents I ever got: a box of Cracker Jacks and a can of ABC shoe polish.

I decided that every year on my birthday, I'm going to release a new clown mask.

I think I've wanted to be an actress since the day I was born. I even asked my parents for an agent for my seventh birthday!

My father took me and my about-to-be-traumatized friends to Stanley Kubrick's '2001' for my 10th birthday party.

The way I see it, you should live everyday like its your birthday.

As a kid, I always went to therapists; the first time was when my parents were separated on my sixth birthday, then on and off since then.

You take away all the other luxuries in life, and if you can make someone smile and laugh, you have given the most special gift: happiness.

Washington's birthday is worthy of celebration - he is one of the greatest men in history. But Washington himself would likely have seen celebration of the office of the presidency itself as monarchic in nature.

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