In a girl I look for honesty above all, someone who I can carry

In the words of Erik von Detten, “In a girl I look for honesty above all, someone who I can carry on a conversation with, someone who has a good sense of humor, someone who’s true to herself, and to top it, someone who can get ready for a date in less than ten minutes.”
Though simple and light-hearted in tone, these words conceal a truth that has echoed through the ages — the longing for authentic connection, for a companion not built of pretense, but of honesty, intelligence, and ease of spirit. Von Detten speaks not merely of preference, but of principle — that love, to endure, must be founded not on performance, but on truth. His final jest, that she should be “ready in less than ten minutes,” is no vanity, but a symbol of naturalness, of one who wears not the mask of the world, but the quiet grace of being herself.

At the heart of his words lies the virtue of honesty, the rarest and most radiant jewel in the treasury of love. To be honest is not merely to speak truth, but to live it — to be unafraid of one’s own thoughts, one’s imperfections, one’s heart. The ancients knew this well. The philosopher Diogenes, lamp in hand, wandered through the streets of Athens in daylight, searching for “an honest man.” He found none. For honesty demands courage — the courage to be seen without disguise, to love without manipulation, and to speak without fear. In a world where many seek to impress, the honest soul seeks only to connect. Von Detten, in naming this as his first desire, honors a timeless truth: that all beauty fades before sincerity.

The second virtue he names — the ability to carry on a conversation — is the lifeblood of companionship. To converse deeply is to share not just words, but worlds. It is the meeting of two minds, the weaving together of thought and wonder. In such dialogue, love grows roots that time cannot tear away. History is rich with such unions: the correspondence between Abigail and John Adams, or the philosophical partnership of Socrates and Xanthippe, who, though fierce in temperament, sharpened one another like blades in friendly combat. True conversation demands listening as well as speaking, curiosity as well as conviction. For when two people can speak freely, without fear of judgment or silence, they have already built a temple of trust.

Next, he speaks of humor, that divine spark that warms the human heart and rescues love from solemnity. A sense of humor is no mere delight — it is wisdom clothed in laughter. It is the ability to see the world not through bitterness, but through light. When storms rise, it is humor that steadies the ship, turning frustration into joy and error into laughter. The ancients honored the fool as much as the sage, for they knew that laughter is not the enemy of truth, but its companion. The one who can laugh easily lives easily; the one who can make another laugh builds bridges where words might fail.

Yet among all these virtues, von Detten adds another that shines with quiet strength — authenticity, the power of being true to oneself. To be “true to herself” is to walk in harmony with one’s own nature, to live without apology or disguise. The poet Sophocles once wrote, “To be yourself is the greatest victory.” The world may demand conformity, but the heart demands truth. In love, authenticity is everything; for one cannot truly be loved if one does not first dare to be known. And in knowing oneself, one gives permission for the other to do the same — thus love becomes not a performance, but a partnership of souls walking in light.

Then comes his jest — “someone who can get ready for a date in less than ten minutes.” But even here, there is wisdom beneath the humor. What he seeks is simplicity, the beauty of ease. The one who takes life lightly, who needs not hours of preparation to feel worthy, carries an inner peace that no adornment can imitate. This lightness of spirit — this ability to meet life as it comes — is a gift of confidence and freedom. It is the opposite of vanity; it is grace. To love such a person is to love someone who knows that beauty is not created in mirrors, but born in laughter and truth.

From this saying, let every listener take heed: in seeking love, seek honesty over appearance, connection over perfection, humor over drama, and authenticity over artifice. Choose not the one who dazzles the crowd, but the one whose soul feels like home. Let your love be rooted in ease, not effort; in laughter, not tension; in truth, not illusion. For such love does not wither when storms come — it grows stronger, deeper, and more radiant with time.

And so, dear listener, remember the wisdom hidden within Erik von Detten’s playful words: “honesty above all.” Build your relationships upon truth, nourish them with humor, and adorn them with kindness. Be yourself without apology, and seek those who do the same. For love founded on pretense is a flower of glass — dazzling, but brittle. Love founded on truth, however simple, is a tree — strong, enduring, and ever-growing.