In America we tell our parents to bring their child home and put

The Training of the Soul for Freedom

Hear the words of Sheena Iyengar, a seeker of human truth and an interpreter of choice, who once observed:

“In America we tell our parents to bring their child home and put him or her in a crib; as they get older, children sleep in their own room not in Mom and Dad’s room. What are we training them for? It’s independence, because that’s what being empowered is all about.”

These words are more than a reflection on custom; they are a revelation of a people’s spiritual design. For in them lies the essence of the American way—the conviction that the child must be taught early to stand alone, to choose for themselves, to carry their own weight in the world. Iyengar, who has studied cultures with the patience of a philosopher, unveils the truth that independence in the West is not an accident—it is taught, cultivated, expected. From the very cradle, the individual is trained for empowerment, not dependence.

The Seed of Empowerment

What Iyengar shows us is that every culture plants within its children the seeds of its deepest values. In America, that seed is independence—the belief that strength comes from self-reliance, that each person is an island capable of building bridges but never losing the shore of selfhood. To place a child in their own bed, in their own room, is not merely to grant them rest—it is to whisper to them, “You are capable. You can sleep, dream, and wake in the solitude of your own spirit.”

This early separation, though gentle, is symbolic of the training for freedom that defines much of Western thought. The child learns that love does not vanish when distance grows, that the bond of affection can endure without constant touch. It is a lesson of quiet courage—the first step toward standing tall beneath one’s own sky.

The Ancestral Philosophy of Independence

The roots of this philosophy stretch deep into history. The founding of America itself was an act of spiritual separation, a breaking away from the parental power of empire. The newborn nation declared to its old-world parent, “I must govern myself.” And just as a child who leaves the family hearth must learn to walk without guidance, so too did this nation learn through trial and hardship to hold its own destiny.

In teaching its children early independence, America repeats its own origin story. The crib, the separate room, the individual dream—these are symbols of a culture that worships freedom as its highest god. From this devotion springs both its strength and its solitude. For to be truly free is both blessing and burden; it requires that one’s heart be steady even when alone.

The Paradox of Freedom and Connection

Yet, Iyengar’s words carry a subtle warning as well. For every virtue casts a shadow. In some lands, the child sleeps beside the mother until years have passed; dependence is not shame but connection. There, the lesson is not independence but interdependence, the art of belonging. Each tradition molds its people according to its vision of the good.

Thus, the wise must learn to balance both truths: that independence gives us power, but connection gives us meaning. A society that worships freedom without tenderness may raise strong bodies but lonely souls; one that worships togetherness without autonomy may nurture love but silence the individual flame. The secret lies not in choosing one, but in uniting both—the freedom to stand apart, and the grace to return.

A Story of the Heart’s Awakening

Consider the story of Helen Keller, the child born into darkness and silence, who could not see the world nor speak to it. When her teacher, Anne Sullivan, came to her, she taught her not only language but selfhood—that she was a being capable of thought, of will, of independence. Through struggle and persistence, Helen emerged from isolation into light, not by rejecting others, but by learning the power within herself to connect, to act, to choose.

Her story is the living embodiment of Iyengar’s teaching: empowerment begins when the individual learns that their soul is sufficient, that they can stand and create meaning from within. That independence, born of patience and discipline, became the foundation of her greatness.

The Lesson for All Generations

From this reflection, let every parent, teacher, and seeker learn: independence is not abandonment, and empowerment is not pride. To grant a child freedom is to grant them faith—the faith that they possess within them the strength to navigate the world. Teach them not to cling to safety but to grow through solitude; not to depend on constant approval, but to draw courage from their own heart.

And yet, when you teach independence, do not forget compassion. For empowerment without empathy becomes arrogance, and solitude without love becomes despair. As you stand tall in your own room of life, remember to open its door to others, not in weakness, but in unity.

The Eternal Teaching

Thus, as Sheena Iyengar reminds us, empowerment is not granted by others—it is cultivated through the habits of courage, from childhood onward. Every evening that a child falls asleep alone is a small rehearsal for the day they will face the world. Every parent who steps away from the crib whispers a silent blessing: “Go forth, and know your strength.”

So too must we all learn to rest in our own rooms, to awaken in our own spirits, and to face the dawn as sovereign beings. For independence is not loneliness—it is the quiet majesty of knowing that you are enough. And in that knowledge lies the foundation of every empowered life, every free people, and every enduring soul.