In my mind, marriage is a spiritual partnership and union in

When Iyanla Vanzant proclaimed, “In my mind, marriage is a spiritual partnership and union in which we willingly give and receive love, create and share intimacy, and open ourselves to be available and accessible to another human being in order to heal, learn and grow,” she spoke as a sage of the soul. Her words remind us that marriage is not merely a legal bond or a social arrangement, but a sacred journey. It is the joining of two spirits who choose, again and again, to grow not only as individuals but as one. In her vision, marriage is not a cage but a classroom, not a burden but a blessing, where love is both teacher and healer.

The meaning of this quote is rooted in the idea of partnership. Vanzant calls marriage a “spiritual union,” a phrase that elevates it beyond the earthly realm. This union requires more than passion or convenience; it requires the deliberate choice to give and receive love, to build intimacy, and to become vulnerable enough to be accessible. In such openness lies the possibility of healing from past wounds, of learning from another’s perspective, and of growing into fuller versions of ourselves. The sacred task of marriage, then, is transformation, achieved not alone, but through shared devotion.

The origin of her words lies in her own life and teachings. Iyanla Vanzant, a woman shaped by struggle and redemption, has long spoken of relationships as places of spiritual refinement. In a world where marriages often crumble under the weight of unmet expectations, she reimagines the covenant as a place where two souls come not to demand perfection, but to refine one another. Her insight flows from lived experience: that in the crucible of union, we face our greatest challenges and also our greatest opportunities for growth.

History offers us the story of Socrates and Xanthippe. Though their marriage was marked by difficulty, Socrates often said that living with her sharpened his patience and wisdom, for marriage itself was the training ground of his soul. What may have appeared contentious to others was, to him, a sacred exercise in endurance and humility. Through struggle, he learned. Through union, he grew. This story reminds us, as Vanzant does, that marriage is not a promise of ease, but a promise of growth, forged through both joy and trial.

The wisdom of Vanzant’s vision is this: that true intimacy requires courage. It is easy to hide behind walls, to keep wounds buried and fears unspoken. But in marriage, those walls must fall. To be “available and accessible” means to present the whole self—flaws and all—and to trust that love will not flee. Such vulnerability can wound, but it also heals, for only when two hearts are laid bare can true union arise.

The lesson is clear: approach marriage not as a possession, but as a practice. Do not seek only what you can gain, but also what you can give. Remember that love is not static; it requires tending, sacrifice, and the courage to remain open even when fear urges you to close. Healing, learning, and growth are not accidents; they are choices, made daily, by those who see marriage as a sacred partnership rather than a worldly contract.

What then must the listener do? Enter marriage, or any partnership of the heart, with reverence. Be willing to give and to receive, not just when it is easy, but when it is hard. Create intimacy by listening deeply, by sharing honestly, by allowing yourself to be seen. Allow your partner to teach you, even when the lessons are difficult, and let your love be the ground where growth can take root.

Remember always: marriage is a spiritual partnership. It is the temple where two souls kneel together, not to worship each other, but to serve love itself. It is the fire in which selfishness is burned away, leaving behind compassion, patience, and strength. And if you choose to walk this path, do so with courage, humility, and devotion—so that both you and your beloved may rise, healed, wiser, and greater than you were before.