In my own relationships, I know that I should break up with

“In my own relationships, I know that I should break up with someone who doesn’t encourage me to be strong and make my own choices and do what’s best in my life, so if you’re dating someone who doesn’t want you to be the best person you can be, you shouldn’t be dating them.” Thus spoke Veronica Roth, a teller of tales who understood not only the worlds of fiction but the vast inner landscapes of the human heart. Her words, though born in the modern age, carry the timeless wisdom of the ancients — a call to strength, freedom, and self-respect in the realm of love. For she teaches that love, if it is true, must lift rather than bind; it must nurture growth, not diminish it.

To the wise, this truth is as ancient as the stars. The philosophers of old knew that the highest form of love was not possession, but mutual flourishing. Aristotle called it philia, a friendship of virtue, where two souls walk side by side, each seeking the other’s good. He said that in such love, one’s partner becomes “another self.” But what happens when the other seeks not your strength, but your submission? When love becomes a cage instead of a sanctuary? Then it ceases to be love at all, and becomes the shadow of it — a bond that corrupts instead of completes. Roth’s words remind us that it is better to walk alone in freedom than to be shackled by a love that fears your light.

The ancients often told stories of this truth. Consider Samson and Delilah, from the Hebrew scriptures. Samson was mighty, chosen, and strong, yet his heart was ensnared by one who sought his undoing. His downfall was not in love itself, but in loving one who did not wish his strength to endure. So too, countless souls in every age fall into the same snare — mistaking control for care, and comfort for connection. Roth’s warning is clear: if the person beside you cannot rejoice in your strength, they will one day mourn your freedom, and call it betrayal. But it is not betrayal to reclaim your own soul; it is an act of courage and truth.

There is a gentler example too, in the life of Marcus Aurelius, the philosopher-emperor of Rome. In his Meditations, he wrote that one should “associate with those who make you better.” He understood that the company we keep shapes our destiny. A partner, above all, should be a companion in virtue — one who reminds you of your highest self when you forget it, who challenges you with kindness, who inspires you not by command but by example. Love that does not honor freedom is not love, but dependency disguised as devotion. To stay in such a bond is to betray the divine spark within you, the part that was born to choose, to grow, and to create.

The meaning of Roth’s words lies not only in personal relationships, but in the greater journey of becoming. She speaks of the necessity of self-governance — the sacred duty each person has to direct their own life. A partner who discourages independence is like a gardener who fears the growth of the tree they planted. Such fear is not love; it is control. And control is the enemy of the soul’s flowering. True love rejoices in another’s strength, even when that strength carries them beyond your reach. To hold love rightly is to hold it with open hands, trusting that what is real will remain.

And yet, to follow this wisdom demands bravery. For breaking free from such ties often feels like tearing away a piece of oneself. The heart whispers, “But they need me,” or “Maybe they will change.” But Roth reminds us that love should not require the sacrifice of the self. It should not demand silence where there should be voice, nor weakness where there should be will. The one who loves you rightly will stand beside you, not above you; they will see your strength not as a threat, but as a glory. It is only in such company that you can walk the path of destiny unbroken and unafraid.

So let this be the lesson, O seeker of truth and love: guard your freedom as you would guard your breath. Let no affection persuade you to dim your light. Choose those who awaken your courage, who call you to wisdom, who rejoice when you stand tall. If love does not make you more yourself, it is not worthy of your heart. The great secret is this — to love and to remain free are not opposites, but one and the same path. For the heart that truly loves does not chain, it empowers.

Therefore, remember the teaching of Veronica Roth: if someone does not want you to become your best, let them go with grace. For the love that is meant for you will never fear your strength. It will see your independence not as rebellion, but as beauty. And when you find such a love — a love that celebrates your freedom — you will know that it is not only love, but the union of two souls walking side by side toward the fullness of their own becoming.