Independence is fun, especially when there's a beloved waiting in

Listen, O children of the future, to the words of Deborah Moggach, whose reflection on independence and relationships speaks to the heart of human connection. "Independence is fun, especially when there's a beloved waiting in the wings, and freedom makes you a more interesting person. Having separate lives brings fresh air into a relationship." These words carry with them a profound truth: that freedom and independence, when embraced by individuals, can make a relationship not only more vibrant but more authentic. Moggach invites us to consider that true connection is not found in complete dependence, but in the healthy balance between togetherness and the personal freedom to grow and explore.

In the ancient world, the great philosophers of Greece understood the value of individuality within the context of community. Aristotle, in his exploration of human relationships, spoke of the ideal friendship, one that recognizes the individual while also cherishing the shared connection between friends or lovers. He taught that while true friendship requires a shared bond of trust and affection, it also flourishes when each person in the relationship has the freedom to live according to their own nature and pursuits. In this way, a relationship was seen as a partnership where both people contributed as whole individuals, each bringing their own experiences and growth into the union.

Similarly, the Romans understood that freedom within relationships was essential to the flourishing of the individuals involved. In the case of marriage, a concept that often tied individuals together for social or political reasons, the Romans valued companionship and mutual respect. However, the freedom to pursue one's own interests and ambitions was considered vital to maintaining harmony within a union. Relationships, in the Roman view, were seen not as a form of ownership, but as an evolving connection between two independent souls, each with the power to shape their own path while still cherishing their shared bond. The freedom to grow as individuals within the relationship, to maintain one's independence, was key to a lasting and fulfilling connection.

Moggach’s words resonate deeply with the understanding that freedom in a relationship does not lead to distance, but to a deeper connection. When two people are allowed to remain whole and free in their own lives, they are able to bring fresh perspectives and renewed energy into their time together. This idea can be seen in the example of Cleopatra and Julius Caesar, whose relationship was marked not by dependence but by mutual respect and ambition. Cleopatra, the queen of Egypt, was a powerful and independent ruler in her own right, while Caesar was the mighty general of Rome. Their connection was not one of subjugation but of mutual recognition of each other’s strength and individuality, which made their bond all the more compelling and impactful. They allowed each other the freedom to pursue their own goals, knowing that this would only enhance their shared journey.

In modern times, many relationships fail when one person becomes consumed by the other’s needs, and the independence of each individual is sacrificed for the sake of togetherness. Moggach’s words remind us that freedom in a relationship does not mean a lack of love or commitment—it means embracing the space for both individuals to flourish. Independence allows each person to grow, to explore their passions, and to return to their partner with new experiences and insights. When both people are allowed the room to breathe, the relationship becomes a living, dynamic entity, one that thrives rather than suffocates.

The lesson, O children, is clear: in relationships, it is not enough to simply come together and remain in close proximity. Independence brings strength and freshness into a connection, enabling each person to be their true self and to bring that self into the union. Just as the Greek philosophers taught that a relationship is most fulfilling when both individuals retain their own identity, so too must we understand that true love and connection arise when we allow space for growth. Moggach’s reflection speaks to the timeless wisdom that freedom, far from weakening a bond, actually strengthens it.

So, O children, take these words into your own lives as you navigate the complexities of love and connection. Whether in your relationships with friends, family, or romantic partners, remember that independence is not a threat to togetherness, but its greatest ally. Allow the freedom of each person to exist alongside the shared love and commitment, and in this balance, you will find that relationships become not just partnerships, but spaces for growth, exploration, and renewed connection. Let this wisdom guide you, and may your relationships always be filled with the fresh air of freedom and the depth of mutual respect.