It took me until my 40s to realize the five essential areas that

"It took me until my 40s to realize the five essential areas that are important to at least have a real dating chance. Obviously, beyond the physical compatibility, which is where we all start in junior high school, I think that intellectual compatibility and spiritual compatibility, emotional intelligence, and financial compatibility are important." These words by Malik Yoba resonate deeply, not just for their reflection on romantic relationships, but for their profound wisdom on the complexity of human connection. Yoba's realization after decades of living speaks to the essence of what it truly means to build a lasting relationship. In his insight, he touches on the five essential areas that must align to form a foundation strong enough to withstand the tests of time and challenge. These areas—physical, intellectual, spiritual, emotional, and financial compatibility—are not just simple markers of attraction, but the very pillars upon which a deep, enduring partnership must be built.

In the ancient world, relationships were viewed as foundations upon which the future of both individuals and families rested. Plato, the great philosopher, in his work The Symposium, discussed the nature of love and connection, pointing to shared wisdom and the pursuit of truth as key aspects of a meaningful relationship. In his view, true love went beyond mere physical attraction to a deeper bond grounded in intellectual and spiritual harmony. The philosopher-king, for Plato, was one who understood that the unity of a relationship could only be achieved when both parties sought to elevate each other towards a higher ideal. His philosophy suggested that compatibility in thought, purpose, and values was far more powerful than physical connection alone.

Similarly, the Romans understood the importance of emotional intelligence in relationships. The story of Marcus Aurelius and his wife Faustina serves as an example of how relationships, while often shaped by external pressures, must be sustained by inner strength and mutual respect. Marcus Aurelius, known for his Stoic philosophy, balanced the responsibilities of the Roman Empire with the emotional intelligence required to be a wise and compassionate leader to his people—and in his private life, to his wife. Though history is unclear on the specific dynamics of their marriage, the Stoics believed in the importance of emotional control, self-awareness, and mutual support within relationships, seeing these qualities as the very foundation of lasting peace and connection. These traits are essential to modern relationships, as Yoba's words suggest.

The importance of financial compatibility in relationships is not a new concept, though it may seem modern. The ancient Egyptians placed immense value on stability, both materially and emotionally, in their relationships. Wealth was often a symbol of stability and status, and marriage was seen not just as a union of love, but of shared resources and responsibilities. While not every relationship is built on wealth, the financial foundation is critical—just as in the ancient world, where the roles of both parties were intertwined in the economic survival of the family. Financial compatibility today speaks to the alignment of values, goals, and expectations about wealth, spending, and security in a partnership. This harmony fosters trust and allows both individuals to move toward shared aspirations without the stress of unmet expectations.

Yoba's insight into intellectual compatibility points to something timeless: the need for a relationship to be built on mutual respect, admiration, and the ability to challenge one another in meaningful ways. In ancient Greece, the marriage of Socrates and Xanthippe may have been challenging, but it was one rooted in the intellectual pursuit of truth. Socrates famously engaged in debate, questioning everything, and though Xanthippe was often depicted as a difficult partner, she too engaged with him intellectually in her own way, even if it was through the frustrations of dealing with a man who could not be quieted in his search for wisdom. The deeper lesson from this relationship is that intellectual stimulation—whether through debates, learning, or shared philosophical pursuits—is a powerful force that can forge a connection that goes beyond the surface, aligning both parties in their desire for growth and understanding.

The lesson from Yoba’s reflection is profound: the complexity of a relationship requires more than just an initial attraction. A lasting connection is founded upon compatibility in key areas of life, all of which require intentional effort and understanding. It is not enough to simply fall in love; one must work to align values, emotional intelligence, and goals in a partnership. Malik Yoba's acknowledgment that these five aspects—physical, intellectual, spiritual, emotional, and financial compatibility—are necessary for true connection offers modern-day wisdom rooted in ancient teachings about balance, harmony, and mutual growth. A relationship is not simply a reflection of romantic desire, but an intricate web of support, communication, and shared purpose.

To practically apply this wisdom, one must be intentional in developing self-awareness and open communication in their relationships. Seek out partners who share not only your physical attraction, but also your intellectual curiosities, spiritual beliefs, and emotional intelligence. Align your financial goals and expectations to ensure mutual understanding in your partnership. Like the great figures of history—from Plato to Marcus Aurelius—we must approach relationships with a holistic view, one that values not just individual happiness, but shared purpose and growth. True connection lies not in finding a perfect partner, but in choosing to build something lasting and meaningful together, with intentional effort and commitment.

In the end, Malik Yoba’s insight is a reminder that real love—the kind that lasts—is built on much more than superficial attraction. It is crafted from a shared understanding of purpose, values, and vision for the future. Just as the ancient philosophers taught us that a well-constructed life is one of balance and alignment, so too should we approach our relationships: not as games of chance, but as deliberate creations, built on the firm foundation of compatibility in every essential aspect.