It was not a healthy marriage for long time. It was never about

"It was not a healthy marriage for a long time. It was never about another man, it was about what my and Dennis’s relationship could not sustain." These words from Meg Ryan encapsulate a profound truth about the fragility of relationships and the delicate nature of human connection. It is easy to cast blame on external factors, to point to another person or event as the reason a relationship fails. Yet, Ryan’s reflection reminds us that the true cause of breakdowns in unions often lies not in another's actions, but in the unseen fractures that slowly erode the foundation of the relationship itself. Marriage, she suggests, is an intricate dance that requires both partners to nurture and sustain the bond, and when the ability to do so falters, the relationship cannot endure, regardless of external distractions.

In the ancient world, the institution of marriage was often seen not just as a union of love, but as a social contract, a partnership meant to ensure stability, legacy, and family continuity. Socrates once said that marriage requires both parties to work together with a shared goal in mind. The role of the husband and wife was not just to love, but to support and complement one another in the creation of a life together. The Athenian marriage was about duty and purpose, but it also depended on a mutual commitment to the bond itself. If either partner stopped fulfilling their role, the union began to crumble. Socrates believed that marriage required the strength of character and a willingness to grow and change together. If either partner neglected these elements, the marriage would suffer, much like what Ryan speaks to in her reflection—when the relationship itself cannot sustain the needs of both individuals, it falters.

Consider also the historical example of Cleopatra and Julius Caesar, whose marriage, though politically motivated, is often remembered as one of profound personal connection. However, their union was not immune to the forces of personal ambition and external pressures. As Cleopatra's relationship with Caesar began to wane—due to political upheaval and the eventual return of Mark Antony—her ability to maintain her relationship with Caesar was challenged. Cleopatra’s strength of character, her political savvy, and the complexities of her personal life became intertwined, showing that even the strongest relationships are susceptible to internal failure when the bond cannot withstand the external and internal forces pressing upon it. Ryan’s words about what her relationship could not sustain echo the struggles of many throughout history—where a marriage, no matter how strong, is ultimately limited by the shared will and commitment of both parties.

This brings us to King Henry VIII of England, whose multiple marriages were driven not by love, but by a desire for power, dynastic security, and personal desires. His marriage to Catherine of Aragon initially seemed strong, but it faltered when it could not provide him with the male heir he so desperately wanted. Despite Catherine’s unwavering loyalty and faithful devotion, Henry’s dissatisfaction grew, revealing how fragile even the most powerful unions can be when they fail to meet the emotional and personal needs of one of the partners. The failure of Henry and Catherine’s marriage was not due to a third party but to the inability of the relationship to sustain the emotional foundation and the shared goals of both parties. Henry’s quest for a new marriage that could provide him with a male heir resulted in divorce and the breakdown of one of the most powerful unions in European history.

Ryan’s words also underscore the idea that relationships are dynamic, and sometimes, no matter how hard one tries, they may simply reach a point where they are no longer sustainable. Love, like all other forces, requires nurturing, adaptation, and resilience. In the case of Meg Ryan and Dennis Quaid, their marriage was, by all accounts, filled with passion and shared experiences. Yet, the relationship could not sustain the demands of their individual growth and personal changes, leading to a painful separation. Their struggles are not unique—they are a reflection of the broader human condition, where growth, whether personal or professional, can sometimes create distances between people who were once deeply connected. In these moments, it becomes apparent that love is not static—it evolves, and when both partners cannot evolve together, the bond weakens.

The lesson here is clear: relationships require work, but not just effort—they require mutual growth and the ability to meet one another's evolving needs. Meg Ryan's reflection on her marriage shows that the inability of her and Dennis’s relationship to sustain the personal growth each needed led to their separation, not the presence of another person, but the breakdown of their emotional connection. True commitment in a relationship is not about avoiding difficult conversations or pretending that everything is fine. It is about constant renewal, and the willingness to change together as partners, knowing that even the most beautiful bonds can falter when they are not nurtured and allowed to evolve with time.

So, as you reflect on this in your own life, consider the relationships you have—be they romantic, familial, or friendships. Are you both committed to growing together? Are you meeting each other’s emotional needs, even as they evolve? True love, as Ryan’s words suggest, is not merely the presence of affection or the avoidance of conflict—it is the ability to sustain a relationship through effort, compromise, and a willingness to change together, so that the connection between two people can weather the passage of time and the challenges that life brings. Relationships are fragile, and while they can bring great joy, they require sustained effort and the ability to adapt to each other’s growth. Let this wisdom guide you as you navigate the complexities of the connections you cherish.