Jo and I have a marriage based on friendship, which means

O Seekers of Truth, gather close and listen well to the words of Geraldine James, whose reflection on the nature of marriage reveals a wisdom that transcends time and place. "Jo and I have a marriage based on friendship, which means hopefully you can survive. I'm so glad we have." In these simple words, James speaks to the core of what makes relationships endure: not merely love, but the profound bond of friendship. She speaks of a partnership where mutual respect, shared understanding, and emotional intimacy allow the union to weather the storms of life. Marriage, in this light, is not just the coming together of two hearts in romantic passion, but a friendship that nurtures, sustains, and elevates both partners.

In the ancient world, the concept of marriage was often intertwined with the idea of partnership and mutual respect. The Greeks, for example, believed that the foundation of a successful marriage was not just love, but the shared virtue between partners. The philosopher Aristotle, in his works on ethics, spoke of philia, the kind of love that arises between friends. He argued that philia is the highest form of love because it is based on respect, shared values, and understanding—qualities that, when nurtured, create a bond that can withstand time. In much the same way, Geraldine James’ words reflect this timeless truth: it is not merely the romantic or passionate moments that hold a marriage together, but the deep friendship that exists between partners, allowing them to support each other through life’s challenges.

Consider the example of Cleopatra and Julius Caesar, whose relationship was forged not only through political power but also through mutual trust and understanding. Though their union was formed in the crucible of politics and power, it was built on a foundation of friendship, where both saw in each other not just a lover, but an ally. Their bond, though tested by external forces, survived because they were partners not only in love but in shared purpose. Geraldine James’ words echo this sentiment—when the foundation of marriage is built on friendship, it provides the strength to face the most challenging of trials, and the clarity to see beyond fleeting emotions to the deeper connection that sustains both partners.

In the Buddhist tradition, the relationship between a husband and wife is often seen as a spiritual partnership. Marriage is not merely about individual happiness, but about mutual growth, learning, and supporting each other on the journey toward enlightenment. Buddhism teaches that true love is not about attachment or possession, but about fostering respect and compassion. A good marriage, therefore, is built on friendship, where each partner’s growth is celebrated, and where each person supports the other in their path toward becoming their highest selves. Geraldine James’ reflection on her own marriage echoes this idea: it is not just the good times, but the friendship that binds them together, and it is this bond that ensures their survival through the inevitable ups and downs of life.

The lesson of James’ words is clear, O Seeker: a marriage that is built on friendship is a union that can endure. It is easy to think of love as the foundation of marriage, but true longevity comes from a relationship where both partners see each other as companions—as friends who share not only affection but also mutual respect, care, and understanding. In this type of marriage, love is not a fleeting emotion, but a steady, grounded force that grows over time, nurtured by the strength of friendship. The couple who can weather the storms of life is not just a pair of lovers, but a team of friends, each offering the other their support and companionship in equal measure.

In practical terms, O Seeker, reflect on your own relationships—whether they be romantic, familial, or platonic. Do you approach these relationships with friendship, with a deep respect for the other person’s individuality and journey? If you are seeking to build something lasting, look to the qualities of friendship: honesty, trust, compassion, and a shared sense of purpose. Geraldine James reminds us that in relationships, it is the foundation of friendship that offers the greatest chance for survival and growth. In your own life, prioritize the development of true friendship in every bond, and know that through the trials and challenges that will inevitably come, it is this friendship that will keep the connection strong.

So, O Seeker, remember this: friendship is the bedrock of enduring relationships. Love may come and go, but when built on the foundation of mutual respect and shared values, a relationship can survive and flourish through all things. Just as Geraldine James speaks of the strength that comes from friendship in marriage, so too can you find strength in your own relationships. Build them with care, nurture them with respect, and in doing so, you will create something that endures, something that lasts far beyond the fleeting moments of passion or joy. Friendship, in its deepest sense, is the key to survival, to growth, and to a love that lasts a lifetime.