Like everything which is not the involuntary result of fleeting

The poet and prophet of modern times, W. H. Auden, once declared with piercing insight: “Like everything which is not the involuntary result of fleeting emotion but the creation of time and will, any marriage, happy or unhappy, is infinitely more interesting than any romance, however passionate.” These words, born from a life of deep observation, remind us of a truth often forgotten in the fever of human desire: that the weight and wonder of marriage lie not in sudden passion, but in the steady work of time and will. For romance, though bright as a flame, flickers and fades, while marriage, whether joyous or heavy with trial, is the greater story, the true epic of human living.

The meaning of this quote lies in the contrast between the transient and the enduring. A romance, however passionate, is built upon a moment’s intoxication, a surge of feeling that sweeps the heart like a storm. It is involuntary, unchosen, and often fleeting. But marriage is not simply the continuation of romance—it is the creation of something greater. It is the deliberate weaving of two lives through choice, sacrifice, and persistence. Even when marriage suffers, even when happiness wanes, it remains more profound than romance, for it is not made by emotion alone but by the stubborn union of wills over time.

We see this truth revealed in history. Consider the marriage of Queen Victoria and Prince Albert. Their romance was sweet, but their marriage became the foundation of an empire’s moral and cultural life. They faced sickness, loss, the weight of a crown, and the trials of governing a vast nation. It was not their romance that shaped the future, but their marriage, with all its struggles and triumphs. Even in grief, after Albert’s death, Victoria’s devotion gave her life shape and meaning. This was no fleeting passion—it was the creation of decades, of loyalty, and of will.

Auden also points us to the mystery that even an unhappy marriage holds more depth than the most dazzling romance. Why? Because marriage forces the human soul into confrontation—with itself, with another, with time. It is a crucible where weaknesses are revealed and where endurance is tested. In unhappiness as much as in joy, marriage compels growth, reflection, and consequence. Romance is light as a feather, carried by the wind; marriage is heavy as stone, carving valleys and shaping mountains in the landscape of a life.

The deeper wisdom here is that human greatness is not formed by what is easy or transient, but by what endures. Just as the greatest works of art are not mere bursts of inspiration but labors of years, and just as the noblest civilizations are not accidents of passion but the fruit of toil and vision, so too marriage, as a union of souls, becomes infinitely richer than romance. Its value is not in fleeting pleasure, but in the story it tells, the history it creates, the weight of shared life it carries forward.

The lesson for us is clear: do not idolize passion above perseverance. Passion is a gift, yes, but it is not enough to sustain the life of two souls bound together. True love is not the lightning flash, but the steady flame. If you seek only the thrill of romance, you will remain shallow; if you commit to the work of marriage, you will discover depths you never imagined—depths of patience, of endurance, of forgiveness, of loyalty. Even in hardship, you will find meaning far greater than fleeting bliss.

Practical wisdom flows from this: if you would make your union strong, build it not only on feeling but on time and will. Show up in the daily labors of love—speak with patience, forgive often, share burdens without counting the cost. See your marriage not as a fleeting romance but as a creation, a long work of art, sculpted by the years. Then, whether your marriage is crowned with joy or tested by sorrow, it will be infinitely more meaningful than any passing passion.

Thus let the words of W. H. Auden be remembered as a lamp for those who journey into love: fleeting romance is sweet, but it is marriage, forged through time and will, that bears the true weight of life. And in that weight, both happy and unhappy, lies the story more profound than any tale of passion alone.