Listen to the desires of your children. Encourage them and then

Denis Waitley, in his timeless wisdom, proclaims: “Listen to the desires of your children. Encourage them and then give them the autonomy to make their own decision.” In this counsel lies a philosophy both tender and powerful, a way of parenting that honors the sacred individuality of the child. He does not speak of control, nor of bending the young spirit to the parent’s mold, but of listening, of encouraging, and ultimately of releasing—three acts that together cultivate not only the growth of a child, but the flourishing of an entire generation.

The origin of this wisdom is rooted in the eternal struggle between authority and freedom. Parents have always sought to guide their children, to protect them from folly, and to prepare them for the trials of life. Yet the danger of overprotection is as great as that of neglect: a child too tightly bound never learns to stand, and one never guided will stumble in chaos. Waitley’s words point to the middle path, where the parent becomes not a master but a mentor, not a ruler but a steward of independence.

History gives us powerful testimony to this truth. Consider Thomas Edison, whose teachers dismissed him as “addled” and unfit for schooling. His mother, rather than forcing him into conformity, listened to the desires stirring within him—the desire to explore, to question, to create. She encouraged him, gave him books, and granted him the freedom to experiment in their home. From that space of autonomy arose inventions that transformed the world. Here we see the fruit of Waitley’s wisdom: a mother who listened, encouraged, and released, raising a son who illuminated the darkness for all mankind.

There is also a spiritual depth to this teaching. In the ancient texts of many peoples, one finds the reminder that children are not possessions, but souls entrusted for a time. The Hebrew psalmist declared that children are “arrows in the hand of a warrior.” An arrow is not meant to remain in the hand forever; it is crafted, steadied, and then released toward its purpose. To listen to a child’s desires is to shape the arrow with care. To encourage is to strengthen it. And to grant autonomy is to release it, trusting it will find its mark.

The lesson Waitley imparts is not without difficulty, for it requires humility from parents. To truly listen is to accept that one’s own dreams may not be the dreams of the child. To encourage is to resist the temptation of criticism when their desires seem strange or impractical. To give autonomy is to endure the anxiety of watching them choose their own path, even when it diverges from the parent’s hopes. Yet it is in this relinquishing of control that love finds its highest expression.

For the modern listener, the practical actions are clear. Listen without judgment to what your children say, for in their words are hints of their destiny. Encourage their passions, whether in art, science, sport, or service, even if those passions do not mirror your own. And when the time comes, allow them to decide, guiding them with wisdom but never crushing their spirit with demands. In this way, you will not only raise obedient children but independent adults, capable of carrying wisdom into the world.

Thus, Denis Waitley’s teaching is not merely advice, but a commandment of enduring power. To listen, encourage, and release is to raise not dependents, but leaders; not imitators, but creators; not children bound in fear, but souls prepared for eternity. Let this wisdom be passed from parent to child, from elder to youth, and may each generation grow stronger than the last—not because they were forced, but because they were truly heard, deeply loved, and bravely set free.