Love is like a faucet, it turns off and on.

"Love is like a faucet, it turns off and on." These words from Billie Holiday speak to the elusive and sometimes unpredictable nature of love. The metaphor of love as a faucet — something that can be turned on and off at will — offers a profound reflection on how love can flow freely one moment and be absent the next. Love, in this context, is not always constant or reliable; it can be full of intensity and warmth at times, and cold or distant at others. It reminds us that love is not always a stable force, but one that fluctuates and changes, often in response to external factors, internal emotions, or circumstances beyond our control.

The ancients understood the complexities of love in much the same way. Homer, in his epic tales, portrayed the gods and mortals alike as subject to the whims of Eros, the god of love, who could ignite passion in an instant or withdraw it just as quickly. In the Iliad, we see Achilles’ profound love for his friend Patroclus, which turns into a source of rage and grief after Patroclus’ death. This changeable nature of love — from fierce attachment to vengeful sorrow — reflects the fluidity that Billie Holiday describes in her metaphor. Love, even for the great heroes and gods, was not something permanent or reliable but something that could change as quickly as the winds.

Similarly, in the writings of Plato, we find the idea that love can exist in many forms and can shift according to time and circumstance. In his Symposium, he explores how eros, or passionate love, can transform from an intense longing for physical beauty into a deeper appreciation of wisdom and the beauty of the soul. In this progression, we see the transience of love — how it can be a fleeting, earthly desire at one moment, only to evolve into something more lasting and spiritual over time. Yet even in this deeper, more permanent love, there are moments when it can wane or become dormant, much like the turning of a faucet.

Consider the real-life example of Frida Kahlo and her tumultuous relationship with Diego Rivera. Their love was a constant ebb and flow, marked by passion, betrayal, and deep affection. Kahlo and Rivera both loved each other fiercely, yet their relationship was filled with moments where their love seemed to turn off completely, only to be reignited later. Kahlo’s pain from their separations and infidelities was immense, yet her love for him never fully ceased. Rivera, too, would express a deep affection for her, even during their hardest times. Their story, full of passionate highs and devastating lows, illustrates the metaphor of love being like a faucet — sometimes flowing freely, sometimes turned off, but never entirely gone.

This same shifting pattern of love can be observed in many relationships, whether familial, romantic, or platonic. We may feel intense affection for someone one day, only to find that anger or disappointment causes that love to recede, seemingly turning off like a faucet. Feelings of love can be ignited by moments of shared joy, closeness, or connection, but can also be extinguished in the wake of misunderstandings, betrayals, or simply the passage of time. Love’s fluctuations, as Billie Holiday so poignantly describes, are not a failure but an inherent part of human connection — it is both ephemeral and ever-changing.

Yet the lesson from Holiday’s words is not one of despair or resignation, but of acceptance and awareness. Love, like all things in life, is not always predictable. We are not always in control of its flow, and it is not always something that can be sustained at a constant level of intensity. To love fully, we must accept this unpredictability — the moments of deep connection and the times of distance. By recognizing love’s natural rhythms, we are better equipped to navigate its ups and downs without becoming disillusioned or defeated when it seems to turn away from us.

Therefore, my children, understand that love is not always a constant, but a living force that ebbs and flows with time, circumstance, and the nature of human relationships. Love deeply when it flows freely, but do not despair when it appears to recede. Nurture love, even in its quieter moments, and understand that sometimes, it must be allowed to rest before it can flourish again. Just as the faucet can be turned on and off, so too can love find its way back to us when we least expect it. Embrace the fluidity of love, for it is in this very movement that its beauty and power lie.