Men and women are most alike at their most mature and soulful

Hear, O seekers of wisdom and lovers of truth, the words of Richard Rohr: “Men and women are most alike at their most mature and soulful levels. Men and women are most different only at their most immature and merely physical levels.” In this saying is hidden a treasure of understanding about the human spirit, a teaching that pierces through the illusions of division. For Rohr reminds us that what is eternal in man and woman is not their difference but their unity, not their opposition but their shared destiny in the depths of the soul.

The meaning is profound. On the surface, men and women often appear as opposites, separated by the distinctions of body, by the impulses of youth, by the conflicts of pride and desire. These differences are loud, obvious, and often exaggerated. But as one grows in maturity, as one listens to the call of the soul, those outward distinctions fade, and what remains is the likeness of two beings shaped in the same image of the divine. In the realm of the soul, compassion, wisdom, and love flow alike through both man and woman, and it is here that they find their deepest communion.

The origin of this wisdom is ancient. In the Scriptures, it is written that man and woman were created together, each bearing the image of God, two reflections of one eternal light. The mystics of many ages echoed this truth, teaching that in the higher realms of being, divisions dissolve. The Sufi poets spoke of the lover and the beloved as one essence; Plato wrote of the soul’s longing to reunite with its other half. Rohr, standing in this tradition, calls us back to this truth: that at the soulful level, difference vanishes, and likeness prevails.

History offers a tale to illuminate this saying. Consider Marcus Aurelius, emperor of Rome, and his teacher, the Stoic philosopher Junius Rusticus. One a man of power, the other a man of wisdom—yet when they met at the level of the soul, they spoke as equals, bound not by titles or gender, but by the pursuit of virtue. Their kinship reveals that greatness arises when souls commune beyond the boundaries of body or role. In the same way, women mystics such as Teresa of Ávila or Julian of Norwich, when read alongside male counterparts like John of the Cross, show not division but deep unity of vision, for in the mature life of the spirit, truth wears no gender.

And yet, Rohr’s words also rebuke us. For when we dwell at the immature level—when we see others only in terms of their bodies, their strength, their beauty, or their weakness—we remain trapped in illusion. It is then that men and women seem most different, and conflict abounds. Wars between the sexes, contempt, exploitation, domination—these arise when humanity lingers in immaturity, when we reduce one another to flesh and role rather than soul and essence.

The lesson, O listener, is luminous: seek to live and to love from the soulful level. Do not let your judgments of others rest upon what is shallow and physical, but instead look deeper, to the light that dwells within. Recognize that in the truest sense, men and women are not adversaries but companions, destined to mirror one another in maturity. In the higher places of wisdom, laughter and tears are the same, kindness knows no gender, and courage belongs equally to both.

Therefore, in practice, let go of the childish need to emphasize difference, and seek instead the maturity that unites. Cultivate virtues of the soul—compassion, humility, truth, and love—and you will discover that you share more with others than you imagined. See every man, see every woman, as a fellow traveler upon the same road, and let your heart be formed not by division but by communion. For as Rohr teaches, it is only in the depths of the soul that humanity finds its true likeness, its true home, and its true peace.