Men naturally despise those who court them, but respect those who

Hear the grave wisdom of Thucydides, historian of Athens and witness to the Peloponnesian War, who declared: “Men naturally despise those who court them, but respect those who do not give way to them.” These words, carved from the struggles of empires, speak not only of politics but of the eternal nature of the human soul. For men, though they may enjoy being flattered for a moment, soon turn to contempt for those who bend too low before them. True honor flows not from servility, but from steadfastness.

The meaning of this teaching is clear: he who courts others by constant praise, by submission, or by slavish attention, gains not love but disdain. For flattery is transparent, and men sense when words or actions are born of fear rather than strength. In contrast, the one who does not give way, who stands firm with dignity, earns respect—even from his adversaries. It is the nature of man to admire strength, even when it resists him, and to scorn weakness, even when it serves him.

The origin of this insight lies in Thucydides’ own times, when Athens and Sparta contended for mastery of Greece. He observed how leaders who courted allies with weakness were often despised, while those who held their ground—though harder to deal with—were respected and often obeyed. His history reveals a deep understanding of human pride: respect cannot be purchased with submission, but only with firmness of character.

History is filled with examples that echo this truth. Consider Winston Churchill in the Second World War. He did not court Hitler with appeasement, though many urged him to do so. Instead, he defied him openly, even when Britain stood alone. In doing so, Churchill won not only the respect of his enemies but the loyalty of his people, who saw in his unyielding spirit the strength of their own survival. Had he sought to court favor through weakness, he would have been despised by friend and foe alike.

Even in personal life, this law holds. The sycophant who flatters his superior is often used and discarded, while the one who speaks truth with courage is remembered and valued. We are drawn not to those who mirror our vanity, but to those who challenge us, sharpen us, and refuse to bow to our lesser selves. Respect is born not of submission, but of integrity.

The lesson, then, is timeless: do not seek honor by bending too low before others. Do not court favor with false praise or servility, for it will only earn you contempt. Instead, walk with dignity. Speak truth, even when it is unwelcome. Stand firm in your convictions, even when they are resisted. You may not always be loved, but you will be respected—and respect is the foundation of true authority.

And so, let your actions follow. In your work, in your family, in your community, resist the temptation to win favor by pleasing all. Do not trade strength for acceptance, nor compromise principle for approval. Offer kindness, but not servility; offer respect, but not surrender. For as Thucydides has shown, it is better to be respected for firmness than despised for flattery.

Thus remember his immortal words: “Men naturally despise those who court them, but respect those who do not give way to them.” Let this guide you in dealings great and small, for it is a law of human nature that holds as true in the heart of the household as it does in the council of nations. To stand firm is to command respect; to crawl is to invite contempt. Choose, then, the path of dignity, for in it lies strength, honor, and the esteem of all.