My mom was on the United Way group that decides how to allocate

There is quiet reverence and moral weight in the words of Bill Gates, who said, “My mom was on the United Way group that decides how to allocate the money and looks at all the different charities and makes the very hard decisions about where that pool of funds is going to go.” In this reflection, Gates honors not only the spirit of giving, but the wisdom of discernment — the understanding that generosity is not merely the act of giving, but the art of giving wisely. Through his mother’s example, we see that true charity demands not only compassion, but also courage: the courage to choose between many worthy needs, to bear the weight of fairness, and to ensure that every act of kindness serves its highest purpose.

The origin of this quote lies in the life and legacy of Mary Maxwell Gates, a woman of profound civic duty and vision. As a member of United Way, she was entrusted with a sacred responsibility — to transform limited resources into the greatest possible good. Her work was not glamorous, but deeply moral: to look upon the needs of many, and to decide, with integrity and empathy, how best to help. In those long meetings and hard conversations, her son learned one of life’s deepest truths — that service requires discernment, and that the measure of goodness is not how much we give, but how thoughtfully we give it.

This teaching echoes through the ages. In the ancient world, King Solomon was celebrated not only for his wealth or power, but for his wisdom in judgment — his ability to see beneath the surface, to discern the heart of things. When two women came before him, each claiming to be the mother of the same child, Solomon did not act rashly; he sought the truth through insight and compassion. So too did Mary Gates exercise the same kind of moral clarity — to distribute resources not by impulse or favor, but through fairness and reason. Wisdom, as the ancients taught, is the soul’s highest form of charity.

The story of Mary Gates is also a lesson in leadership by example. She did not lecture her son on the virtues of philanthropy; she lived them. Through her actions, she revealed that giving is not a duty to be performed, but a calling to be embodied. It is no coincidence that her son, inspired by her life of service, would later dedicate vast portions of his wealth to global health, education, and equality through the Bill & Melinda Gates Foundation. The seed she planted — the balance between compassion and calculation — would grow into one of the most far-reaching philanthropic efforts in modern history. Her quiet service shaped a legacy of generosity that now spans the globe.

And yet, her example carries a subtle, humbling truth: even generosity has limits, and within those limits, decisions must be made. To give is beautiful, but to choose who receives — that is the burden of the just. Mary Gates faced what the ancients might have called the dilemma of mercy — to love all, but to give wisely. For true compassion is not indulgence; it is stewardship. She did not simply follow emotion, but listened to reason and conscience. It is in this delicate balance — between heart and mind — that the noblest acts of charity are born.

Consider also the story of Florence Nightingale, the “Lady with the Lamp,” who revolutionized modern nursing. She was not only moved by pity for the suffering soldiers; she was guided by intellect, reform, and method. Her compassion was disciplined compassion — structured, measured, and effective. Like Mary Gates, she understood that to heal the world, one must not only feel deeply, but think clearly. For compassion without wisdom may comfort for a day, but compassion joined with wisdom transforms generations.

The lesson, my children, is this: charity without judgment is sentiment; charity with judgment is justice. Do not give only because the heart aches — give because the mind sees where your love will do the most good. If you have resources, use them not to soothe guilt, but to build futures. If you have time, give it not merely to those who cry loudest, but to those who need it most. Like Mary Gates, let your service be both tender and true, both generous and discerning.

For as Bill Gates reminds us through his mother’s example, the highest form of giving is guided by both compassion and clarity. The world does not only need hearts that feel; it needs minds that decide. So when you give — whether it be your wealth, your energy, or your attention — do so with intention. For every act of wise generosity becomes a spark that endures, lighting the path not just for the one who receives, but for all who follow in the way of love made thoughtful.