Nobody has said to men, 'It is OK if you want to be a full-time

In a time when society was learning to redefine the balance between man and woman, Warren Farrell, thinker and teacher of the human condition, spoke words both bold and compassionate: “Nobody has said to men, ‘It is OK if you want to be a full-time dad; find a woman who will support you.’” These words are not an accusation, but a revelation — a mirror held up to the unspoken expectations of the modern world. They remind us that freedom must belong to both genders, and that just as women have long sought liberation from rigid roles, so too must men be freed from the silent prison of stoic duty and unchosen sacrifice.

The origin of this quote lies in Farrell’s lifelong exploration of gender and equality. Once an advocate of the feminist movement, he later turned his attention to what he called the “boy crisis” — the suffering of men in a society that often measures their worth only by their productivity, not their presence. In his reflections, Farrell saw a world that had rightly told women they could step beyond the home, but had rarely told men that they could step into it — that nurturing, teaching, and raising children are not lesser callings, but sacred acts of creation. His words are a call to restore balance, to see fatherhood not as absence from work, but as presence in love.

For millennia, men were taught that their value lay in providing and protecting. They were the builders of cities, the tillers of soil, the soldiers on the frontiers. But in this noble purpose, another truth was forgotten: that the heart of a father is also a source of strength, that his gentleness can guide as firmly as his hand can build. The “full-time dad”, as Farrell describes, is not a man who retreats from purpose, but one who finds purpose in the most ancient and divine of tasks — nurturing life. Yet society, bound by old expectations, often denies him this dignity. Men who choose to stay home, to care, to cradle, are too often met with silence or scorn. Farrell’s words seek to break that silence — to proclaim that care is courage, and that a man’s worth is measured not only by what he earns, but by what he gives of his heart.

History offers glimpses of such men — rare, but luminous. Consider Charles Darwin, the great naturalist, who after losing his beloved daughter Annie, turned much of his attention to his children, spending long hours teaching them, observing them, playing with them. His notes on their growth and behavior helped shape his scientific work, but more deeply, they revealed his compassion — a man of science transformed by fatherhood. Or think of Anton Chekhov, who wrote of love, duty, and sorrow with such tenderness because he too understood the quiet labors of care. These men remind us that the home is not a lesser realm — it is the seedbed of civilization itself.

In Farrell’s words there also lies a hidden challenge: to women, to the world, to the structures that define value. For if men are to embrace nurturing, they must be met by partners and societies willing to honor it. Just as women once asked men to see their strength beyond domestic walls, so too must women now recognize the depth of men beyond their wages and titles. The call is not for reversal, but for harmony — for a world where partnership means mutual support, where both man and woman are free to pursue the paths that fulfill their spirit, not merely those dictated by tradition or fear.

The deeper wisdom of this quote speaks to the human soul itself. Every person — man or woman — carries within them both the masculine and the feminine, the will to act and the will to nurture. Civilization thrives only when these forces are balanced. The man who dares to stay home, who rocks his child to sleep, who teaches gentleness by example — he is not less of a man; he is more of a human being. He honors the fullness of his nature. In such acts, he heals not only himself, but the world, for he breaks the chain of generations bound by the illusion that strength must be loveless.

And so, my children of tomorrow, the lesson is clear: freedom must be shared. The liberation of one gender cannot come at the cost of the other’s confinement. Let men be told, as women once were, that they may choose their path — whether in the field or the hearth, the forge or the cradle. Let fathers be honored not only as providers, but as poets of love, sculptors of compassion, guardians of the soul. If you are a man, do not fear tenderness; if you are a woman, do not fear his gentleness. Support one another in courage, for only together can you build a world both strong and kind.

Thus, in the spirit of Warren Farrell’s wisdom, remember: the measure of humanity is not in domination, but in balance. To raise a child is to raise the future, and the future belongs to those who dare to live truthfully — whether by the sword or by the lullaby. So let every man who feels the call to nurture step forward without shame, for in doing so, he reclaims not only his manhood, but his humanity.