One of the greatest gifts my father gave me - unintentionally -

The poet and novelist Ben Okri, whose words shimmer with both myth and truth, once said: “One of the greatest gifts my father gave me — unintentionally — was witnessing the courage with which he bore adversity.” In this single sentence lies the quiet majesty of inheritance—not of wealth, nor title, nor fortune, but of example. It is the kind of gift that is not given by hand, but by spirit; not offered through words, but through the silent, steadfast strength with which one endures life’s storms. For courage, when lived openly, becomes a light that guides others, even when the one who bears it never intends to teach.

The meaning of this quote stretches beyond the bond of father and son; it speaks of the universal power of example. Okri tells us that true strength needs no proclamation, for its presence shapes the souls who behold it. His father’s courage, born in hardship, taught more than any lecture could. It showed that adversity is not an enemy, but a forge—a fire that reveals the mettle of a person’s heart. Through witnessing his father’s endurance, Okri inherited the deepest form of wisdom: that a life lived with dignity in suffering is a greater legacy than any triumph untouched by trial.

To understand the origin of these words, one must look to Okri’s own life. Born in Nigeria and raised amid the tremors of war and political upheaval, he saw struggle not as an abstract theme but as a lived reality. His father, a lawyer, faced persecution, poverty, and the weight of injustice. Yet he did not break. He bore his burdens not with bitterness, but with quiet courage, transforming hardship into strength, despair into discipline. In watching him, young Ben learned that greatness often comes not in victory, but in endurance; that sometimes, simply standing one’s ground in the storm is an act of heroism.

The world, too, offers many such examples. Consider Nelson Mandela, who spent twenty-seven years imprisoned, yet emerged without hate in his heart. Like Okri’s father, Mandela’s courage was not loud—it was patient, disciplined, and deeply human. His suffering became his gift to the world, not because he intended it to, but because his dignity in adversity inspired generations to rise above bitterness. Such men remind us that true courage is not the absence of pain, but the grace to bear it without surrendering one’s soul.

Okri’s words remind us that the unintentional gifts of our elders may be the most enduring of all. Many parents believe they teach through advice, but children often learn more from what they witness than from what they are told. A child who sees a parent face difficulty with composure learns resilience. A child who sees love persist in hardship learns faith. And one who sees integrity maintained amid temptation learns honor. These lessons, once absorbed, shape the spirit far more deeply than spoken wisdom. The father, perhaps unaware of his influence, becomes a living scripture—his life a testament to endurance, his silence a sacred instruction.

There is a profound humility in Okri’s recognition of this gift. His father did not seek to be heroic; he simply lived, bore his trials, and remained upright. And yet, from that quiet endurance came a lesson that molded his son’s soul. This truth speaks to us all: that we are always being watched, always teaching others—our children, our friends, even strangers—through how we bear the weight of our own existence. The courage with which we endure may outlast every word we speak, every achievement we win.

The lesson, then, is clear: do not underestimate the power of your example. You may think your struggles are private, but those who love you draw strength from how you meet them. When adversity comes, do not curse it; bear it with dignity, and you will give a gift greater than gold—the gift of inspiration. Live so that your endurance becomes a story worth remembering, a torch for others to carry when their own paths grow dark.

For as Ben Okri teaches, we inherit not only the world that is given to us, but the spirit with which it is faced. The father who stands unbroken becomes the son’s first hero; the mother who endures becomes her child’s unseen teacher. Thus, the true measure of a life is not how many battles one wins, but how many hearts one strengthens simply by continuing to stand. Let this be your calling: to bear adversity with courage, so that in your quiet fortitude, others may find the will to rise.