One should never be sexually involved with anyone one genuinely

When Mary Gordon declares, “One should never be sexually involved with anyone one genuinely cares for. A sexual relationship guarantees a loss,” she utters words that startle and pierce, for they run against the current of common desire. Yet in them is a sorrowful wisdom, born of observation and experience, that passion often devours the very tenderness it seeks to express. Her saying is not a denial of love, but a lament of how fragile it becomes when bound too tightly to physical hunger.

The origin of this thought lies in the ancient tension between body and spirit. Many before her have warned that the fire of sexual involvement, though bright, consumes as well as warms. Gordon’s words reflect this lineage: that the deepest form of care seeks preservation, while the union of flesh can sometimes bring conflict, disappointment, and the erosion of reverence. Thus she speaks less as a moralist and more as a witness to the frailty of human bonds when passion overwhelms them.

To say that a sexual relationship “guarantees a loss” is to remind us that desire often demands what it cannot sustain. The momentary ecstasy may lead to disillusion, the mystery of affection may fade, and what was once cherished as sacred may become common. In her vision, true care is endangered when reduced to possession, for the body cannot hold forever what only the heart was meant to guard.

Yet within this warning lies a paradox: for many, passion and love are inseparable, and to deny one seems to weaken the other. Gordon’s cry, then, is not universal law but a hard-earned insight — that some loves are too delicate for the fire of desire, and that intimacy of spirit can sometimes be better preserved through restraint. This is the wisdom of the ancients: that not every path of closeness must be walked, lest the treasure of the bond be consumed.

Let those who listen weigh her counsel with care. For she reminds us that to truly care is to seek the good of the beloved, even if it means denying the self. The danger of sexual involvement, she warns, is not in the act alone, but in the imbalance it may create, turning affection into ashes. Thus her words endure as a solemn teaching: guard the bonds that matter most, lest passion undo what love had built.