People tend to look at dating sort of like a safari - like

In the words of Henry Cloud, the wise counselor and thinker of the modern age, there echoes a deep and cautionary truth: “People tend to look at dating sort of like a safari — like they’re trying to land the trophy.” At first glance, this saying may seem humorous, even playful, yet beneath its wit lies a profound insight into the way many approach love and human connection. For Cloud is not speaking of hunting in the literal sense, but of the illusion of conquest — the idea that romance is a chase, a competition, or a display of triumph rather than a sacred meeting of souls. His words reveal how, in the pursuit of relationships, many have forgotten the purpose of love, mistaking possession for partnership and excitement for devotion.

Henry Cloud, a psychologist and author known for his work on boundaries and healthy relationships, speaks from a place of spiritual and emotional understanding. His observation arose not from cynicism, but from compassion — from watching countless souls seek love as if it were a prize to be won rather than a truth to be lived. The “safari” he describes is the landscape of modern dating, where people set out to capture the most dazzling creature they can find: the most beautiful, the most charming, the most admired. Yet when love becomes a hunt, something sacred is lost. The hunter forgets to see the heart of the other; the chase becomes the purpose, and the person becomes the trophy — admired, perhaps, but not truly known.

This phenomenon is as ancient as humanity itself. Even in the legends of old, there are tales of those who pursued love as conquest, only to discover emptiness at the end of the chase. Consider the story of Paris of Troy, who stole Helen for her beauty and set in motion a war that burned for ten years. His desire was not rooted in understanding or virtue, but in possession — in the thrill of claiming what others desired. Yet what began as triumph ended in tragedy. Such is the warning at the heart of Cloud’s words: when love is sought for the glory it brings, it becomes hollow. To seek another as a symbol of one’s success is to forget that love is not about taking, but becoming.

In contrast, the ancients also knew a different kind of pursuit — one not of trophies, but of truth. The poet Rumi wrote that “love is not the hunt for another body, but the recognition of one’s own soul mirrored in another.” To love rightly, one must first approach with reverence, not conquest. In the same way, Henry Cloud urges his listeners to see dating not as a safari, but as a pilgrimage — a journey inward and outward, where the goal is not victory, but connection. The heart must become an instrument of discernment, not a weapon of desire. For true intimacy cannot be captured; it must be cultivated.

The trophy mindset, as Cloud calls it, arises from the human hunger for validation. Many, weary from loneliness or uncertainty, seek love not as a union, but as proof of worth. They believe that to “win” the attention of another is to secure their own value. Yet this kind of love, though thrilling in its early moments, soon fades — for it rests upon ego, not empathy. The trophy gathers dust once the hunt is over, and the relationship, built on image rather than authenticity, collapses beneath its own weight. Cloud’s wisdom reminds us that the truest relationships are not about appearing successful in the eyes of others, but about finding peace, honesty, and shared purpose in the eyes of one beloved soul.

Consider, too, the life of St. Francis of Assisi, who renounced wealth and power to live simply among the poor. Though he did not speak of romance, his life was a testament to pure devotion — love without possession, joy without control. In every person, he saw the face of God, not an object to be admired, but a being to be cherished. If those who seek love today were to adopt even a fragment of this spirit, dating would cease to be a safari of competition and become instead a practice of compassion. For when the heart no longer hunts, it begins to see.

The lesson, then, is clear and enduring: love is not a trophy to display but a truth to dwell in. Approach relationships not as battles to be won, but as sacred encounters — opportunities to know, to grow, and to serve. If you find yourself chasing admiration or striving to “land” someone, pause and remember that the goal is not possession but partnership. Seek not the most dazzling, but the most genuine. And when you meet another soul, do not ask what they can give you, but what you might build together in kindness, respect, and wonder.

Thus, the teaching of Henry Cloud becomes a timeless proverb: to love rightly, one must lay down the spear and lift up the heart. The hunt must give way to the harvest — the gathering of patience, humility, and truth. For only when love ceases to be a conquest does it become what it was always meant to be — a union of equals, a home for two souls who no longer need to prove their worth, because they have found it in each other.