People who are trans don't owe you their entire history right

Hear now the words of Brian Michael Smith, whose wisdom speaks to the heart of trust, respect, and the delicate nature of personal history: "People who are trans don't owe you their entire history right out the gate, just like you wouldn't walk up to someone and tell them your medical history. You build trust." In this truth, Smith calls upon us to understand the sacredness of personal boundaries, the deep need for trust, and the process by which true connection is formed. Just as one does not offer the most intimate parts of their story without the nurturing of trust, so too must we respect the privacy and dignity of others, especially those whose lives and experiences differ from our own.

The ancient world understood the importance of trust and boundaries. In the time of the Greeks, the philosopher Aristotle spoke often of the virtue of friendship, which was built not on the imposition of personal information, but on the slow cultivation of mutual respect and understanding. Friendship, according to Aristotle, was rooted in a shared journey toward the good life, a life of wisdom, integrity, and trust. The deepest of friendships were not those where individuals immediately laid bare every part of their soul, but where over time, trust grew, and personal histories were shared only when the bond between individuals had been firmly established. To demand such openness prematurely would be to violate the very nature of human connection.

Consider the example of Socrates, who, though a teacher of profound wisdom, did not immediately reveal every aspect of his own life to his students. His approach was to ask questions, to lead others to self-understanding, and to allow the truth to unfold naturally. Socrates knew that truth could only be shared with trust, that to impose one's personal history or beliefs upon another too quickly would not foster true learning or connection. His wisdom lay in recognizing that intimacy and understanding are not granted at once—they are earned over time, through consistent interaction, respect, and openness. Smith's words echo this ancient wisdom, reminding us that to ask for someone’s entire history right from the beginning is to bypass the slow, intentional building of trust.

In more recent times, Nelson Mandela—one of the greatest leaders of the 20th century—demonstrated the power of trust in his long journey of reconciliation. After spending 27 years in prison, Mandela emerged not with demands for personal revelation from those who had wronged him, but with a profound understanding of the gradual process of rebuilding trust between divided peoples. His approach was not to force others to confront painful histories immediately, but to allow the relationships between South Africa’s citizens to heal over time. Mandela understood that the journey toward peace and understanding was a slow one, built not on the imposition of history, but on the respect for others’ boundaries and the careful construction of trust.

Brian Michael Smith's wisdom draws upon these timeless truths. To ask someone to reveal their entire history without the foundation of trust is not only intrusive, but disrespectful. It demands a vulnerability that is not yet earned, and in doing so, it may undermine the very connection it seeks to build. The transgender community, like any group of people, deserves the right to share their story on their own terms and in their own time. Just as we would not burden others with the full weight of our personal history upon first meeting, we must learn to respect the boundaries of others, allowing them the space to reveal themselves when they are ready, and only when they feel the trust is established.

The lesson for us, O children of wisdom, is clear: true relationships—whether friendships, partnerships, or even acquaintances—are founded on the sacred act of building trust over time. It is not through demands or expectations that we gain access to the lives of others, but through the slow, deliberate process of connection, where respect for boundaries is honored, and vulnerability is shared only when the time is right. Smith’s words remind us to be patient with each other, to recognize that not everyone is ready to share their deepest truths immediately, and that this is both natural and necessary.

In your own life, let this wisdom guide you: respect the boundaries of others, and recognize that true trust is not something that can be rushed. Whether in your relationships with those who are transgender, or anyone who has walked a path different from your own, understand that everyone’s history is their own to share in their own time. You do not need to know all their story to build a genuine connection. Instead, commit yourself to the process of trust-building, to listening without expectation, and to respecting others’ space as they open up to you. In doing so, you will foster relationships built on honor, respect, and the deep strength of shared understanding.