Respect for ourselves guides our morals, respect for others

The words of Laurence Sterne, “Respect for ourselves guides our morals, respect for others guides our manners,” flow with the balance of a great law, a harmony between the inner life and the outer life. To respect ourselves is to guard the sanctity of our conscience, to refuse to stain our soul with corruption, deceit, or dishonor. This inner respect becomes the compass of our morals, the silent lawgiver that directs us toward what is just and noble. Yet to live among others requires more than inward purity; it demands outward reverence. Thus Sterne adds: respect for others guides our manners. For manners are not empty rituals, but the visible expression of our acknowledgment that each soul deserves dignity.

To understand this fully, we must see that morals and manners are twin pillars of the good life. Morals without manners may become harsh and self-righteous, while manners without morals may become hollow performance. Sterne’s words remind us that both are needed: the inner fortress of conscience and the outward bridge of courtesy. A person who respects themselves but scorns others is incomplete; a person who respects others but has no self-respect is fragile. Only when both are present does life achieve its true balance.

The ancients knew this truth well. Socrates taught that no man should act against his own soul, for in doing so he destroys himself. This is respect for oneself, the root of morality. Yet the same Greeks also emphasized the sacred laws of hospitality—xenia—where even a stranger must be treated with honor. To refuse a guest food or kindness was not merely impolite; it was an offense against the gods. In this union of inner integrity and outer respect, they laid the foundations of civilization itself.

History too bears witness. Consider George Washington, the first president of the United States, who as a young man copied by hand the Rules of Civility and Decent Behavior. These were lessons in manners: to listen, to refrain from rudeness, to respect others in speech and gesture. Yet Washington also lived by strong inner morals, refusing power that might have made him a king, stepping down after two terms to preserve the republic. His self-respect guided his moral choices, while his respect for others shaped the manners that made him a figure of lasting honor.

The heart of Sterne’s wisdom is this: without self-respect, one drifts into vice; without respect for others, one drifts into arrogance. Self-respect is the root, others-respect is the fruit. One governs the secret life of the heart, the other governs the shared life of society. Together they form the measure of character, by which a man or woman is judged both by their conscience and by their community.

The lesson for us is clear: guard your self-respect as you would guard your life. Do not betray your morals for the sake of gain, for once lost, integrity is difficult to restore. At the same time, practice respect for others in every word and gesture. Do not dismiss courtesy as trivial—it is the garment of respect, the way we make visible our acknowledgment of another’s dignity. Treat every encounter as sacred, for each person you meet carries a universe within them.

Practical actions follow. Each day, measure your choices against your inner compass: ask, does this preserve my honor, or does it diminish it? Then, in every interaction, speak with kindness, listen with patience, and act with courtesy, even to those who cannot repay you. Teach children both morals and manners, so they may grow into whole beings, inwardly strong and outwardly gracious. For a society flourishes not only by laws but by the daily practice of respect, both within and without.

Thus, Sterne’s words endure: “Respect for ourselves guides our morals, respect for others guides our manners.” They are a law for every age, a reminder that true greatness is not found in wealth or power, but in the harmony of the soul that honors itself and the heart that honors others. Let these words guide you, so that your life may shine both in its inner purity and in its outward grace.