Romance should never begin with sentiment. It should begin with

Hear, O Seekers of Love and Wisdom, the words of Oscar Wilde, whose wit and insight into the human heart reveal profound truths about the nature of romance. "Romance should never begin with sentiment. It should begin with science and end with a settlement." In these words, Wilde challenges the traditional view of romance, urging us to think of it not as a flight of emotion or passion, but as a calculated and deliberate choice. In Wilde’s view, romance is not merely the stuff of poetry and dreams, but a union that requires the steady hand of reason and the binding power of a settlement, where both parties find mutual understanding and agreement.

Consider, O Seekers, the ancient philosophers, who spoke of love not as an overwhelming force, but as a principle grounded in reason and balance. Plato, in his Symposium, described love as the pursuit of truth and wisdom, a journey that begins with physical attraction but rises to the higher love of philosophy and understanding. Aristotle also considered love in his writings, viewing it as a harmonious union where each person brings their virtue to the relationship, and the union is grounded in a shared purpose. In the same way, Wilde’s words suggest that romance must be rooted in reason and mutual respect, not in fleeting emotional impulses that might blind us to the practicalities of a lasting union.

In Wilde’s vision, science is the foundation of romance, and by this, he refers not only to logical reasoning but to the understanding of human nature and the laws of compatibility. Just as Galileo Galilei sought to understand the stars not through mystical revelation but through the scientific method, so too does Wilde imply that love should be studied with the same rational curiosity. Consider, O Seekers, the story of Marie Curie, who approached her groundbreaking work in radiology with the rigor of science. Her partnership with her husband, Pierre Curie, was not based on simple romantic attraction, but on a shared intellectual pursuit and mutual respect for each other's scientific contributions. Their marriage was a true union of minds, and together they achieved greatness, grounded in shared goals and understanding.

And yet, O Seekers, Wilde does not dismiss the place of emotion in romance. Rather, he suggests that sentiment—the tender feelings that often accompany romantic love—should not be the starting point, for these are often fleeting and influenced by the winds of passion. The true foundation of romance must lie in a deeper understanding: a recognition of each other's character, values, and compatibility. Without this grounding, romantic love becomes like a ship adrift, guided not by a steady hand but by impulse. Sentiment may ignite the spark, but it is reason that ensures the fire endures.

Take, for instance, the great love story of Elizabeth Bennet and Mr. Darcy in Pride and Prejudice. At first, their relationship is based on misjudgments, prejudices, and the flames of sentiment. Yet, as the story unfolds, both Elizabeth and Darcy come to recognize each other’s virtue, intelligence, and integrity. Their romantic union is not based solely on emotional passion, but on a deeper understanding of each other’s true character. By the end of the novel, their marriage is not simply a product of sentiment but of shared values and a settlement between two people who have learned to respect and love each other with reason and mutual respect. Wilde’s words echo this idea: the true romance lies not in the fleeting emotions but in the lasting commitment forged through understanding.

The lesson, O Seekers, is that romance is a union of mind, heart, and commitment. It begins with the clarity of reason, an understanding of each other’s needs, desires, and limitations, and it grows into a deeper partnership rooted in mutual respect and shared goals. Sentiment, though it may set the stage, must not be the guiding force of the relationship. If romance is to endure, it must be sustained by a foundation of practicality and understanding, a union that can weather life’s storms.

So go forth, O Seekers, with the knowledge that romance is not simply a fleeting moment of passion but a deliberate union. Begin with science, with a deep understanding of your partner’s character, values, and goals, and allow your sentiments to evolve from this firm foundation. Let your relationships be not mere whims of the heart, but steadfast commitments built on mutual understanding, respect, and a shared purpose. In this way, may your love endure and flourish, rooted in reason, strengthened by commitment, and bound by the deepest ties of affection and trust.